Today's Jokes Plus Soothe, Relieve and Soften Heels and Feet!

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: HeelTastic Heel-Tastic is an intensive heel therapy that will Soothe, Relieve and Soften heels and feet! It penetrates deep to the source to soothe dry skin. It also works great for rough knees, dry, itchy elbows, even cuticles! Buy One Get One FREE for only $10 PLUS you'll get a Bonus 10-piece grooming kit FREE...Order now!
Broken Engagement Dear Marty, I have been unable to sleep since I broke off your engagement to my daughter. Will you forgive and forget? I was much too sensitive about your Mohawk, tattoo and pierced nose. I now realize motorcycles aren't really that dangerous, and I really should not have reacted that way to the fact that you have never held a job. I am also very sure that some other very nice people live under the bridge in the park, too. Sure my daughter is only 18 and wants to marry you instead of going to Harvard on full scholarship. After all, you can't learn everything about life from books. I sometimes forget how backward I can be. I was wrong. I was a fool. I have now come to my senses and you have my full blessing to marry my daughter. Sincerely, Your future father-in-law. P.S. Congratulations on winning the lottery!
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Insurance An insurance agent was teaching his wife to drive when the brakes suddenly failed on a steep, downhill grade. "I can't stop!" she shrilled. "What should I do?" "Brace yourself," advised her husband, "and try to hit something cheap."
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Red Skelton's Marriage Tips Red Skelton's tips for a Happy Marriage: 1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson. 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me "In the Lake." 8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!" 10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. 13. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"
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Road Crew The road by my house was in bad condition. Every day I dodged potholes on the way to work, so I was relieved to see a construction crew working on the road one morning. Later, on my way home, I noticed the men were gone and no improvement in the road. But where the crew had been working stood a new, bright-yellow sign with the words "Rough Road."
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Classic Biographies by E-Mail Learn more about famous historical figures like Benjamin Franklin, Charles Darwin, and more with free subscriptions to classic books at the ArcaMax Book Club. The Book Club has hundreds more classics to choose from, no matter what your taste in reading. Subscribe to one or more and have a chapter a day sent to you by e-mail ... and if you read ahead on the site or fall behind, you can reset your "bookmark" and pick up where you left off the next day. View the complete list of books. Subscribe to the New Books ezine for weekly featured books and quizzes, author trivia, and more. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors
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