Today's Jokes Plus Visit Dunkin Donuts FREE for a Year!

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: Visit Dunkin Donuts FREE for a Year! Just take our survey and complete the participation requirements to receive FREE $50 Master Card Gift Cards to redeem at any participating Dunkin Donuts! Click here to get started...
Spelling Difficulties The teacher says to her new class, "For our first lesson, each of you will stand up, tell us your name, what your father does, spell what your father does, and then explain it to us. All right, Billy. You go first." Billy stands up and says, "My name's Billy. My father's a lawyer, l-a-w-y-e-r, and he defends people in court." The teacher says, "Very good. All right, Benjamin." Tyrone stands up and says, "My name's Benjamin. My father's a pharmacist, f-a-m... f-a-r-n... f-n..." The teacher says, "Benjamin, you go home tonight and learn how to spell pharmacist. All right, Angelo." Angelo stands up and says, "My name's Angelo. My old man's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e, and if he was here, he'd give you nine-to-five odds Benjamin ain't spellin' pharmacist by tomorrow."
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Windows Problem An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong. Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer." Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide. Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?" Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized." Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?" Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'" Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?" Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"
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New Game Back in the days of the Roman Empire, the famous Emperor Nero instituted a new game. The players would take those little disks you set your glass on in order to protect the furniture, and see who could get the most distance rolling them across the floor. They were the first roller coasters. Back in those days, the disks were made of iron, and they would bet on whose disk would roll the farthest. They called them ferrous wheels.
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Cynical Meanings Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other. Divorce: Future tense of marriage. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either." Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power... Dictionary: A place where success comes before work. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on. Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
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Get Your Garden Ready for Fall Autumn is just around the corner -- is your garden ready? Let ArcaMax help with tips from the Gardening ezine. Get quick and easy tips for your fruits and vegetables, check your local weather, and view photos of your fellow readers' own gardens. You can also submit your own, and invite family and friends to vote to make it the most popular of the month! Subscribe to ArcaMax Gardening instantly. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors
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arbcombo -- Greenhouse Gas Emissions Certification and Verification Webinar - September 10, 2009

ARB staff invites you to attend a webinar on certification and
verification of GHG emissions reports under the Mandatory
Reporting Program. In order to view this webinar at 10am on
September 10, 2009, you need to register in advance here:
https://www2.gotomeeting.com/register/523212650 .

This webinar will be split into 2 parts. The first half will be
dedicated to the final steps in certifying and correcting
emissions data reports. In the next couple of months, ARB staff
will be reviewing and possibly requesting corrections to
emissions data reports where errors are discovered. Staff will
demonstrate how to make revisions to previously certified
emissions data reports and re-certify the data. There will also
be a demonstration of how a facility can link with a verification
body within the Reporting Tool.

The second half of the webinar will describe the options
available for verification, as well as describing important steps
facilities can take to be prepared for the verification process.
Verification is optional this year, but is required in 2010.

The agenda and slides for the webinar will be posted here:
http://www.arb.ca.gov/cc/reporting/ghg-rep/ghg-rep.htm

This is a webinar. You must register in advance and participate
via your own computer, you may also need to use your telephone to
hear the webinar if your computer is not able to receive the
audio signal. Please email ghgreport@arb.ca.gov with questions
about mandatory reporting, and ghgverify@arb.ca.gov with
questions about verification. If you need assistance with the
webinar, please call Jasleen Singh at (916) 322-1224. Please
contact Chris Halm at 916-323-4865 with any other questions.

More Information on Mandatory Reporting
http://www.arb.ca.gov/cc/reporting/ghg-rep/ghg-rep.htm.

More Information on Verification
http://www.arb.ca.gov/cc/reporting/ghg-ver/ghg-ver.htm

There are only four sessions of verifier training left,
scheduled for September and October 2009. All potential
verifiers are encouraged to apply soon or quickly register if
they have been pre-approved. ARB does not currently plan to
offer training in 2010. Please see the verification website for
more information.

If you require a special accommodation or need this document in
an alternate format or language, please contact Joelle Hulbert at
916-322-6349 or jhulbert@arb.ca.gov no later than 10 business
days before the scheduled webinar. TTY/TDD/Speech to Speech
users may dial 711 for the California Relay Service.

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The energy challenge facing California is real. Every Californian
needs to take immediate action to reduce energy consumption. For
a list of simple ways you can reduce demand and cut your energy
costs, visit the Flex Your Power website at www.fypower.org .
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Today's Jokes Plus Free Chick-Fil-A Chicken Sandwich

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: Free Chick-Fil-A Chicken Sandwich This is for the first 250,000 people who register. Click here ...
7 and 7 is 11 A woman from Chelm went to the market one day to buy herring and a loaf of bread. "How much is it?" she asked the storekeeper. "14 cents," answered the storekeeper to the lady. "14 cents! For what?" asked the lady. The storekeeper explained: The herring costs 7 cents, and the loaf of bread costs 7 cents also. So together it comes to 14 cents." "I know different. To the best of my recollection, 7 and 7 is 11." "What are your saying?" "As far as I know, 7 and 7 is 11...I had already had 4 children when my first husband died. When I married a second time, my second husband also had 4 children from his first wife. After getting married, we had 3 children together. So each of us had 7 children, and together we had 11! Obviously, 7 and 7 is 11."
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Traffic Stop A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding. Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was. "I think you've paid your debt to society," he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.
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Ice Cream Flavors The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?" "Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue. "Do you have laryngitis?" the young man asked sympathetically. "Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry."
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Spring Fever Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"
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Health News and Advice for Women Start the new year right with health and beauty tips just for you from ArcaMax Women. A free subscription to this ezine brings you new daily tips, as well as women's interest news and tips from Annie's Mailbox. Subscribe to ArcaMax Women instantly. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors
To see more Jokes, visit the Jokes channel.
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Thank you for your subscription to Jokes from ArcaMax with the following email address: duncanjax@gmail.com Jokes from ArcaMax may be non-commercially distributed unedited! Please share it! Pass it along to friends, family and associates. SUBSCRIBING To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit: http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg UNSUBSCRIBING To discontinue this newsletter - Select this link Having Trouble? You may also try this link: http://www.arcamax.com/unsubscribe It is our policy and practice not to send unwanted email. ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. 729 Thimble Shoals Boulevard Suite B Newport News, VA 23606 Copyright 1996-2009 ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. All registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners.

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