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| Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment..... -- I don't know what we'll do without you, but we are certainly going to try!
-- We told everyone you are leaving because of illness. The truth is, I'm sick of you.
-- Its not that you aren't a responsible worker. In fact, you've been responsible for more disasters than any one else in the place.
-- Today I'm going to mix business and pleasure. You're fired!
-- I've got good news for you. You won't have to worry about being late for work 'ever again'.
-- Tell me - how long have you been with us not counting tomorrow? |
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| Blonde and Library Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so I would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!" |
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| Warning: Virus There's a new virus. The code name is "WORK." If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else -- do not touch WORK under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely.
If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take two friends and go straight to the nearest bar. Order drinks -- and after three rounds, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your brain.
Forward this virus warning immediately to at least five friends.
Should you realize you do not have five friends, this means you are already infected by this virus and WORK already controls your whole life.
If this is the case, go to the bar and stay until you make at least five friends. Then retry.
I think I have five friends, but am not entirely positive -- so I'm headed for the bar anyway. Never hurts to be safe.
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| Maybe This Will Work A boy that was being raised in a very religious family asked his mother for a new bike. His mother said, "Son, we pray to Jesus when we want something really badly." So the son thought that praying wouldn't be enough, so he sat down and began to write Jesus a letter:
"Dear Jesus, If I am good for a whole month, would you please send me a bike?" Then he sat there and thought to himself, "A month is a long time." And he began to write again:
"Dear Jesus, If I am good for a whole week......" Then he sat there and thought to himself, "A week is a long time." And he began to write again:
"Dear Jesus, If I am good for a whole day, would you please send me a bike?" Satisfied with this, the boy began to walk to the mailbox to mail the letter to Jesus. As he approached the mailbox, he looked at the envelope the letter was in...then, he tore it to shreds.
He ran home and took the statue of the Virgin Mary his grandmother had given him off of his bureau. He proceeded to wrap a shoelace tightly around the small statue and place it in a shoe box. He then threw the shoe box into his closet and sat down and wrote another letter"
"Dear Jesus, I have your mother!"
|
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| Get Ready for the New School Year The school year is about to start, and ArcaMax can help you get ready with a variety of helpful ezines!
To get your kids ahead before classes begin, check out the Book Club to start reading hundreds of classic books free, many of them assigned in middle and high schools across the country. And test their knowledge of current and past events with daily installments from the History & Quotes ezine.
For more advice to get you through the school year -- including parenting tips from today's most popular columnists -- sign up for the free ArcaMax Parents ezine.
Visit the Book Club and start reading.
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Find out more before subscribing.
-- From the ArcaMax editors |
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