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| Temperature A CEO-type was in the hospital, being treated for a minor deal. For a week he'd made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating all the staff, shouting orders and demanding attention, complaining about the food, the bed, the temperature, the weather. Typical big shot.
One morning a nurse's helper entered the room, saying, "Time to take your temperature, sir."
After growling that she was disturbing his nap, the guy finally opened his mouth for the thermometer.
"Sorry, sir," said the nurse, "but for this test we need your temperature from the other end."
After bitching about the embarrassment and inconvenience, the guy finally rolled over and bared his butt. After the nurse finished, she said, "Stay exactly like that and don't move. I'll be back in five minutes to check up on you."
The nurse left, leaving the door ajar. The guy's back is to the door, and for over an hour, he hears people wandering up and down the hall, laughing. At length the guy's doctor entered the room, saw the guy with his bare butt in the air and gawked. Finally, he asks, "What's going on here?"
The guy barks, "Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"
"Not with a daffodil."
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| New Dog Breeds The following breeds are now recognized by the AKC:
Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up easy for transporting
Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up alot
Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, not a popular dog with CIA agents
Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by... oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway
Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end
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| Repairs When a guy's printing on his printer began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.
Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first." |
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| Saying Grace A Sunday School teacher was trying to explain about saying grace before meals. One of the pupils was the young son of the minister of that church, so she started the discussion by asking him, "Jerry, what does your father say when the family sits down to dinner?"
Jerry answered, "Dad says, 'Go easy on the butter, kids, it's three dollars a pound!'" |
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| New Healthy Life Daily Videos Could acupuncture treatment help breast cancer? Check out this video and learn about the latest research.
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