| Sylvia Rimm Q: My son is 3 years old. When I correct him or raise my voice to stop him from doing something or messing up things (like pouring water on the carpet or breaking his toys), he starts crying and urinates immediately. He is an active, loving child, but he has a bad habit of pulling things down from places (pulling toys from the showcase or newspapers or books from the desk or table) though he has been corrected many times. What should I do to make him stop doing this?
He has not started talking, but he utters only basic syllables like ma, papa and a few more. Why is he not able to speak even the basic sentences like I want milk or water, I want to pee, etc.? Please advise me.
A: Your son's crying and urination when you raise your voice to correct him may be related to his lack of speech. Your son could have limited understanding of words. Your tone of voice certainly alerts him to something he's done wrong, but he may not exactly understand why you're scolding him. The urinating may be only a fear or tension response.
Your son's limited vocabulary is more typical of a 1-year-old child. Possibly he'll suddenly catch up as sometimes late talkers do, or his lack of speech could represent a more serious problem. First check with your family physician for advice. If there's no underlying physical cause, I would recommend you take him to your public school and request a psychoeducational evaluation. Schools are responsible for providing special education from age 3 onward, and your son may be eligible immediately for a speech, language or educational program that can help him.
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There May be More to Mother's Anger than Touching
Q: A friend of mine has a 6-year-old son and an 8-year-old daughter, and her husband has a 4-year-old daughter. The mother of her husband's daughter recently told my friend the 4-year-old daughter said that the 6-year-old boy touched her. The mother now refuses to let her daughter be around the boy. The boy says he never touched the girl and we'll never be sure exactly what happened. The children are supervised, and the boy in question is very shy and gets embarrassed at the subject altogether. How can my friend ease the mind of the furious mother, so that the children aren't punished and kept apart when they're innocent and don't understand the allegations?
A: Although the 6-year-old boy may be shy, his curiosity may have led him to some inappropriate touching that he won't admit. That only means that both he and the 4-year-old girl need talks from their parents about good touching, like hugs or holding hands, and bad touching, like touching private parts. The mother of the boy should assure the mother of the girl that she's taken her communication seriously, has talked to her son and will supervise the children's play carefully to be sure there isn't further touching taking place. While all that sounds reasonable, it's possible that the mother of the girl will not be convinced.
After a divorce, there could be many other reasons for her anger and wish to keep the children separate. The mother could feel jealous about her daughter acquiring a stepmother. She might also prefer that her only child have her ex-husband's total attention and use this as a reason for keeping her daughter away from the other children during visitation. None of the last two would hold up in court, nor is it likely that the courts would insist on separating the two young children provided they were being supervised. Hopefully with time, the mother will adjust and the children will be allowed to play together as good friends and step-siblings.
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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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