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The Anesthesiologist Jill received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation. "Is this some kind of mistake?" Jill asked when she got the doctor on the phone. "No, not at all," the doctor said calmly. "Well," said Jill, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out." "Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free. The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around."
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Coffee Shop A guy comes into a coffee shop and places his order, he says "I want three flat tires and a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, goes to the kitchen and asks the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires and a pair of headlights and pair of running boards. What does he think, this is an auto parts store?" "No" the cook says, "three flat tires means three pancakes and a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up and running boards is 2 slices crisp bacon." "Oh," says the waitress. She thinks about this for a while, and then she spoons up a bowl of beans and gives it to the customer. The guy says, "What are the beans for?" The waitress replies, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might want to gas up."
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Luggage Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly take his bags. He always did this with bright ribbons and tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well dressed man when he got to the luggage carousel. Mr. Smith walked over to the fellow and pointed out the colored ribbons tied to the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides. "I believe that luggage is mine. Were your bags marked like this?" he asked. "Actually," the man replied, "I was wondering who did this to my luggage."
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Games As an assistant professor, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would usually take a break around eight, however, to play the strategy game Warcraft online with a teammate. One night I was paired with a veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the helm, our troops crushed one opponent after another, and after six games we were undefeated. Suddenly, my fearless leader informed me his mom wanted him to go to bed. "How old are you?" I typed. "Twelve," he replied. "How old are you?" Feeling my face redden, I answered, "Ten."
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