| Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Dear Annie: "Frustrated in N.J." wrote to say that his 65-year-old wife no longer wants to have sex with him because of vaginal dryness. In your response, in which you recommended counseling (which may indeed be needed), you missed an opportunity to educate your readers about what can be done about this problem.
I'm 67 years old and still enjoy sex with my husband. When I talked to my doctor about the discomfort of vaginal dryness a few years ago, she recommended a vaginal ring that emits a very low amount of estrogen. It isn't cheap, but otherwise it's a godsend. -- Still Frisky in My Late 60s
Dear Still Frisky: We are grateful to all the readers (male and female) who wrote in response to that letter and offered suggestions and hope:
From California: I am a 60-year-old woman who had a hysterectomy when I was 50. I wanted to stay away from artificial hormones, but I was suffering. I eventually went to a compounding pharmacy for a natural hormone mixture prescribed by a doctor. I felt much better -- but still had no interest in sex. There is a sort of mourning period when the ability to have children, or when your definition of who you are, is turned upside down. My decision to separate from my husband started with a pedicure, then doing something with my gray hair, then the gym. I began to feel alive again in the libido area, and now, with another man, intimacy is better than ever.
Louisiana: I am a retired nurse. Couples can find the act of touching, imagining and cuddling as satisfactory as the physical act. It is vital in our aging process to explore new and different methods to achieve the desired results.
Chicago: One can have a simple blood test to check for hypogonadism (low levels of certain hormones that contribute to the sex drive), and in some cases, it can be treated with a specially prepared testosterone cream applied externally. It amazes me that while Viagra and Cialis have become household words, women are advised to take a bubble bath. My family doctor referred me to an endocrinologist at my earliest complaint, so my multiple orgasms have continued well into the fourth decade of my marriage.
Louisville, Ky.: I am 65 and struggled with the same situation until five years ago. Finally, a female gynecologist prescribed a combination of estrogen and testosterone. That, along with a lubricant, did the trick. Sex will never be what it was years ago, but it sure brought sufficient desire to satisfy my hubby and me.
Boston: I am 56 and have found that life without hormones is quite a shock. But I discovered bioidentical hormones and, with them, the amazing return of life as I once knew it. Our balanced hormones can begin to decline in our 30s, and bioidentical hormones help us remain much healthier. It is important to find a qualified physician who understands bioidentical hormones, measures and monitors your hormone levels on a regular basis, and gives you those hormones in a way that closely mimics how our bodies naturally deliver hormones.
Aurora, Ohio: If she and her husband had a good sex life before menopause, it is very possible that the problem is related to a dry vagina, which probably causes pain. I am 71 and had the good fortune to go to a midwife about 18 years ago who prescribed a vaginal suppository that one uses just prior to intercourse. I have never had a single physician, male or female, offer help with sex at my age. A midwife can discuss sex in a way that is comfortable to this woman. I realize she may never have enjoyed sex, and some counseling could be needed, but without taking care of the vaginal dryness, there will always be a problem.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
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