| - Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: Free Pair of Ugg Shoes
Relax this winter with your feet tucked
warmly inside your new Uggs! Click And Claim Yours Today!
(Participation Required) | |
| Drawing the Line A man who was unemployed for several months gets a job with Public Works painting lines down the center of rural roads. The supervisor tells him he is on probation and that he must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed. The man agrees to the conditions and starts the next day.
The supervisor checks and finds the man completed 4 miles. "Great," he thought, "this man will work out." The next day he finds the man only did 2 miles but the supervisor thought, "well he is still at the average and I don't want him to get discouraged."
The third day however the man only did one mile and the Boss thought, "I need to talk to him." The boss pulls the new employee in and says, "Son, you were doing great. The first day you did four miles and the second day two miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure, anything keeping you from meeting the two mile minimum?"
The man replied, "I keep getting farther and farther from the bucket." |
| Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend |
| Sponsor Experience one of Cancun's premier resorts - Free! Park Royal Cancun is inviting you to experience 3 Free
Nights at their luxury resort. Enjoy a complimentary 3 night stay at Park Royal Cancun.
Reserve your spot and preview our resort now! Click now to reserve your 3 Nights! |
| Seeing Eye Dogs Two guys were walking their dogs-one had a German Shepherd and the other had a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink. The other man said, "They're not going to let dogs into the bar."
The first guy said, "No? Watch this."
So he put on some dark glasses, acted like the German Shepherd was a seeing-eye dog, walked into the bar, and ordered a drink. And no one said anything. So the second guy took out some dark glasses, slipped them on, and walked his Chihuahua into the bar.
The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't allow dogs in here."
And the man said, "It's okay. It's my seeing-eye dog."
The bartender laughed and said, "This Chihuahua is your seeing-eye dog?"
And the guy said, "They gave me a Chihuahua?" |
| Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend |
| Sponsor Watch Satellite TV On Your PC Get immediate access from anywhere in the world
to over 3000 lightening fast stations on your PC,
no hardware, and no recurring fee's. Click Here Now |
| Dinner Prayer A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the little girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the mother said.
The little girl bowed her head and said, "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?" |
| Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend |
| Sponsor EXCLUSIVE ONLINE OFFER: Sign up and receive a free
year of dental & vision, $780 value...ENDS FRIDAY! Why Choose WEBsmart Benefits:
1. Perfect for individuals, families, and small businesses
2. We can accept and approve most pre-existing conditions
3. 24 hour approval process, rates locked in for 12 months Healthcare you can afford, comprehensive coverage at the
lowest rates anywhere. Compare our rates, get a free quote |
| Software Conflict: Wife 1.0 Upgrade Last year, after hearing how great it was for so long, a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 3.0 to Wife 1.0. He has found Wife 1.0 to be a resource hog, leaving him very little free space for other applications. Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-Subroutines, which further consumes valuable system resources. His system performance and resources seem to diminish with each passing day. At first, he thought Wife 1.0 might be infected with a virus, but other users have assured him that Wife 1.0 is behaving normally and this behavior should be expected due to the nature of the application.
My friend also discovered that Wife 1.0 installed itself in such a way that it can monitor all other system activity. He now finds that some programs such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 5.1 and PubNight 7.0 cannot run at all. If he attempts to launch them, Wife 1.0 complains about a sharing violation and crashes. He finds this behavior strange since he could run these programs just fine before he upgraded.
At installation, he found Wife 1.0 provides no option to bypass the installation of undesired add-ons such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release.
Some features he would like to see introduced in the upcoming Wife 2.0 release:
* A "Don't Remind Me Again" button.
* A Minimize button.
* An Install Shield that allows Wife 2.0 to be uninstalled at anytime without the loss of cache or other system resources.
* An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode.
I have decided to forego all the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking to Girlfriend 3.0. However, even that option has many problems. Apparently, you cannot install one version of Girlfriend before you completely uninstall the old version first. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. If the newer version finds a reference to the old version, Girlfriend will completely freeze until you reboot and remove the stray reference. I am told this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of.
Also, versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. Another thing that stinks -- all versions of Girlfriend continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.
***** BUG WARNING *****
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.0 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete all MSMoney files and take all your cache before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0. will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
***** BUG WORKAROUNDS *****
If you can afford it, try installing Mistress 1.0 on an entirely different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0.
Another possible solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via an ISP under an anonymous name. |
| Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend |
| New Healthy Life Daily Videos Could acupuncture treatment help breast cancer? Check out this video and learn about the latest research.
More videos like this, including more of the latest health studies and reports from doctors, are available free with a subscription to ArcaMax's Healthy Life Daily Video ezine. Sign up for this brand-new newsletter and get a new video report by e-mail every day!
Susbcribe to the Healthly Life Daily Video ezine instantly.
Find out more before subscribing.
-- From the ArcaMax editors |
| To see more Jokes, visit the Jokes channel. |
| ArcaMax proudly distributes 75 popular newsletters, including Garfield, Recipes, Bible Verses, Gardening and Business Success. To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit:
http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg ArcaMax publications are now available in an "advertising-free" format.
Click here for details. We invite you to visit BookDaily: Book Samples for Book Lovers |
| Thank you for your subscription to Jokes from ArcaMax with the following email address:
duncanjax@gmail.com Jokes from ArcaMax may be non-commercially distributed unedited! Please share it! Pass it along to friends, family and associates. SUBSCRIBING To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit:
http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg UNSUBSCRIBING To discontinue this newsletter - Select this link Having Trouble? You may also try this link:
http://www.arcamax.com/unsubscribe
It is our policy and practice not to send unwanted email. ArcaMax Publishing, Inc.
729 Thimble Shoals Boulevard
Suite B
Newport News, VA 23606 Copyright 1996-2009 ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. All registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners. |
| |
