| Sylvia Rimm Q: My son is spoiled by his grandparents. They say it's too early to discipline a 2-year-old. My son always hits my face. Sometimes he pushes kids or hits them. I pat his hand and scold him for punishment. What else can I do to correct his wrongdoing?
A: Don't be too hard on your son's grandparents. They undoubtedly love him very much. Most of all, it's good for parents and grandparents to be united. You can tell them for sure that 2-year-olds learn from discipline and need it, particularly when they're being aggressive.
Just in case you're worried, I can assure you that it's not unusual for 2-year-olds to hit or push others, but they do need to learn to keep their hands to themselves and to use their words. You haven't mentioned whether your son was very verbal or not, since that makes a difference in his ability to express what he wants. While some children talk early, others who may be equally bright could speak a little later, substituting hitting and pushing for words.
I don't recommend patting your son's hand because he probably interprets that as hitting. Since you love him and he loves you, he'll assume that he should do the same, but it may appear to you to be hitting. Saying a firm "no" and reminding him to use his words can help him express himself better if he's verbal. If he's not very verbal, telling him "no hitting" firmly and placing him on a timeout chair or sitting him on the stairs, if you have them, for timeout will work.
The first time he hits, just the "no hitting" should be enough, but if he continues to hit or push, the timeout becomes more important. If he won't sit on a chair or step, you should take him to his room or another convenient nearby room. You can gate the room, so he knows he must stay there. Don't talk to him during timeout and don't hug and kiss him when he comes out. It's important that his hitting doesn't bring him mixed messages. He'll learn fairly quickly that hitting others is wrong. Your parents (or in-laws) may be less worried about this form of discipline, since it doesn't involve hitting your son -- and that may be worrying them.
It's really important for parents and grandparents to be a united team. Your part of the deal is that you support them and don't say negative things about them in front of your children, and their part is to support you and your husband and to not say negative things about you. It works well for all. And most importantly, when children see respect among the adults who love them, it teaches children to be respectful.
For free newsletters about the do's and don'ts of grandparenting, a united front or raising preschoolers, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below.
Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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