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| The Perks of Being Over 50 -- Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
-- In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
-- No one expects you to run into a burning building.
-- People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
-- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
-- There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
-- Things you buy now won't wear out.
-- You can eat dinner at 4 PM.
-- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
-- You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
-- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
-- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
-- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
-- You sing along with the elevator music.
-- Your eyes won't get much worse.
-- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
-- Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
-- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
-- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
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| Teacher A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "'It's because yer feet ain't empty."
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| Computer Novices Computer novices may feel like they're alone these days, but the following call to Microsoft's help center shows there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.
After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, "I see you have an Aptiva" desktop unit.
Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she'd be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: "Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe." |
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| Political Support It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"
The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!"
The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!"
"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.
"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!"
The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting, "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"
After the speech, the Politician was touring the reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle.
"Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."
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| Picking the Perfect Valentine's Day Gift Don't get stuck trying to pick the right thing for your loved one this Valentine's Day. You can get great gift ideas -- for him and for her -- from the ArcaMax Valentine's Day feature.
This special section also has holiday history and trivia, party ideas, and recipes for delicious desserts.
Visit the Valentine's Day feature.
-- From the ArcaMax editors |
| To see more Jokes, visit the Jokes channel. |
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