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| Dogs And Computers: Same Or Different? Part I -- Favorite Food
Dogs: kibbles
Computers: bits
-- Method used to end undesirable behavior
Dogs: hit with rolled up newspaper
Computers: hit control-alt-delete
-- After destruction of personal property
Dogs: dog not found
Computers: file not found
-- Favorite trick
Dogs: roll over
Computers: play dead
-- Comic-page hero
Dogs: Dogbert
Computers: Dilbert
-- Fun way to mess with their heads
Dogs: peanut butter on roof of mouth
Computers: peanut butter in CD-ROM drive
-- Consequence of virus
Dogs: replace valuable carpeting
Computers: replace valuable data
-- Widely ignored government mandate
Dogs: leash law
Computers: Communications Decency Act
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| Dogs And Computers: Same Or Different? Part II -- Waste disposal tool
Dogs: pooper-scooper
Computers: uninstaller
-- Sensitive internal procedures
Dogs: must be undertaken by fully qualified professional
Computers: may be undertaken by that guy at work who fixed one kind of like this once
-- Method of marking territory
Dogs: lifting leg
Computers: "Designed for Windows XP"
-- Unique behavior
Dogs: lick and drag
Computers: click-and-drag
-- Inexplicable physical feature
Dogs: declaw
Computers: scroll lock key
-- Estimated lifespan
Dogs: 12 years
Computers: 12 months
-- At end of useful life
Dogs: euthanasia
Computers: tax deduction |
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| Games As an assistant professor, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would usually take a break around eight, however, to play the strategy game Warcraft online with a teammate.
One night I was paired with a veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the helm, our troops crushed one opponent after another, and after six games we were undefeated. Suddenly, my fearless leader informed me his mom wanted him to go to bed.
"How old are you?" I typed.
"Twelve," he replied. "How old are you?"
Feeling my face redden, I answered, "Ten."
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| New T.V. A farmer finally decided to buy a TV. The store assured him that they would install the antenna and TV the next day.
The next evening the farmer turned on his new TV and found only political ads on every channel. The next morning he turned the TV on and found only political ads again.
When he came in to eat lunch he tried the TV again but still only found political ads.
The next day when he still found only political ads he called the store to complain. The owner said that it was impossible for every channel to only have political ads, but agreed to send their repairman to check the TV.
When the TV repairman turned on the TV he found that the farmer was right. After looking at the TV for a while he went outside to check the antenna. In a few minutes he returned and told the farmer he had found the problem. The antenna had been installed on top of the windmill and grounded to the manure spreader. |
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| Choose from 60,000 Books -- Get Your Free Samples at BookDaily.com Be sure to check out one of ArcaMax's hottest features, BookDaily.com!
Browse, search and read sample first chapters from your favorite authors -- and sign up for free email newsletters with the book samples you want to read later.
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-- From the ArcaMax editors |
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