| - Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: When Was Michael Jackson At His Best? Take our short survey and qualify to win... You'll get all 7 of Jackon's LP's Free! Click now for details & get started... | |
| Redneck Logic Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.
"What's logic?" the first redneck asked.
The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"
"I sure do."
"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.
"That's real good!" said the redneck.
The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."
Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"
"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!"
The redneck was catching on.
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.
"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"
The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.
"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend.
"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.
"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.
"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.
"No," his friend replied.
"You're queer, ain't ya?" |
| Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend |
| Sponsor Get Information on Military Friendly Schools for Free! Are you considering going back to school to further the
training and skills you received while serving? Let our FREE Military Education Guide provide you with
all the information you need on different programs, schools,
and financing options all in one single source! Get It Free Now! |
| The Elevator 2 A Kentucky family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a rather large building; they were amazed by everything they saw --especially the elevator at one end of the lobby.
The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?" The father responded, "Son I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is!"
While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up.
They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped out.
The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your Maw." |
| Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend |
| Sponsor Cell Phones and Driving??? Should drivers be allowed to speak on their
cell phones while operating motor vehicles? Tell us what you think and you could win a
$1000 Visa Gift Card. (Participation required.) Click here for details... |
| Drinking Buddies Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City.
They both order pints of Guinness.
One of them turns to the other and says "So where are you from, then?"
"I'm from Ireland."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin."
"Me too! I'll drink to that."
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Dublin are you from?"
"The East Side."
"The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!"
They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where on the East Side are you from?"
"McDonagh Street."
"Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that."
As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, "That's amazing! I can't believe they're from the same street in Dublin. What's going on?"
"Oh, it's nothing amazing," says the bartender, "it's just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again." |
| Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend |
| Sponsor Hogan Grills Best! Hulk Hogan's Ultimate Grill includes 2 grill plates,
1 skillet, Hogan Knows Grilling Book and 60-day money
back guarantee. Cook anything from steaks to vegetables
to cookies. It's dishwasher safe making cleanup a breeze.
Now you can grill every meal to perfection. Now with easy payment plans -
Order Yours today!... |
| A Rock Solid Defense A redneck was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey.
His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client.
"Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there in the jury box and honestly believe that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?" |
| Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend |
| Get the Latest News Every Day Stay up-to-date on the latest world news as it happens with a free subscription to News Headlines.
This free ezine is delivered twice every weekday and once a day on the weekends, with all the current news on national and world events.
Subscribe to ArcaMax News Headlines instantly.
Find out more before subscribing.
-- From the ArcaMax editors
Important Note: Tomorrow morning from approximately 7:30 to 9:30 a.m. EST, July 16, the ArcaMax Publishing Web site and portions of e-mail newsletters may not be accessible due to scheduled maintenance. |
| To see more Jokes, visit the Jokes channel. |
| ArcaMax proudly distributes 75 popular newsletters, including Garfield, Recipes, Bible Verses, Gardening and Business Success. To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit:
http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg ArcaMax publications are now available in an "advertising-free" format.
Click here for details. We invite you to visit BookDaily: Book Samples for Book Lovers |
| Thank you for your subscription to Jokes from ArcaMax with the following email address:
duncanjax@gmail.com Jokes from ArcaMax may be non-commercially distributed unedited! Please share it! Pass it along to friends, family and associates. SUBSCRIBING To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit:
http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg UNSUBSCRIBING To discontinue this newsletter - Select this link Having Trouble? You may also try this link:
http://www.arcamax.com/unsubscribe
It is our policy and practice not to send unwanted email. ArcaMax Publishing, Inc.
729 Thimble Shoals Boulevard
Suite B
Newport News, VA 23606 Copyright 1996-2009 ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. All registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners. |
| |
No comments:
Post a Comment