Today's Jokes Plus Clean Windshields without Straining or Stretching

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: Clean Windshields without Straining or Stretching Windshield Wonder is the easy reach microfiber window cleaner that eliminates straining and stretching. It uses a 16" handle to help reach all the way down to the dash and base of your rear window. Windshield Wonder is also perfect for moisture and fog removal. Get two for the price of one when you order today. Order now!...
In Hot Pursuit Two Alabama State Trooper Patrol cars were in hot pursuit of a Camaro heading east towards Georgia on I-90. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first trooper pulled over immediately. The rookie Trooper pulled over right behind him and asked, "Sarge, why'd you stop?" "You dumb rookie," replied the Sarge. "He's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we'll never catch him."
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Cornflakes Two twins returned home each with a letter from there teachers explaining they had been using extremely bad language and not to come to school. The next day when the twins each gave there dad the letter he gave them a hiding and sent them to bed. The next morning the twins got up "What do you want for breakfast?" asked the dad. One of the twins replied "I'll have some of those blankety-blank cornflakes, thanks!" His dad immediately gave the twin a hiding and sent him to bed. "Now what do you want for breakfast?" the dad asked to the other twin. "Well I won't have any of those blankety-blank cornflakes thats for sure!" the twin replied.
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Computer Term Dictionary State-of-the-art: Any computer you can't afford. Obsolete: Any computer you own. Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete. G3: Apple's new Macs that make you say, "Gee, it's three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a microsecond ago." Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object." Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error. GUI (pronounced "gooey"): What your computer becomes after spilling your coke on it. Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors. Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate. Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer. Portable Computer: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips. Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical deadline. System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.
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Email Commandments - Thou shalt include a clear and specific subject line. - Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the minimum thou needest. - Thou shalt read thine own message thrice before sendest it. - Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might react to thy message. - Thou shalt check thy spelling and thy grammar. - Thou shalt not curse, flame, spam or USE all CAPS. - Thou shalt not forward any chain letter. - Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of email, especially from work. - Thou shalt not use email for any illegal or unethical purpose. - When in doubt, save thy message overnight and reread it in the light of the dawn. - That which thou findest hateful to receive, sendest thou not unto others.
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Free Health Tips from the You Docs Start improving your lifestyle today with help from the You Docs. Doctors Michael Roizen and Mehmet Oz, as seen on "Oprah," have been offering simple, effective advice to readers and viewers for years. Now their health tips are available free by e-mail from ArcaMax. Sign up now and start getting fit and healthy with help from two of America's favorite doctors! Subscribe to the You Docs ezine instantly. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors
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