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Dead Last Last year I entered the New York City Marathon. The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing. The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, “Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?” I replied: “You really want to know?” Then I dropped out of the race.
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Dog Lover The 6 a.m. regulars at the dog run are, not surprisingly, a pet-oriented group. Recently John started discussing his trip. “The flight was awful! We were delayed for a few hours, and when we finally boarded, the baby behind me didn’t stop crying for the whole flight.” Another dog run regular turned to him in surprise: “What did the owner do?”
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Back in Bed His aching back made it impossible for my friend’s husband to get a decent night’s rest on their lumpy mattress. “Until I feel better, I’m going to sleep on the couch,” he announced. Ordinarily, a spouse moving out of the bedroom isn’t a good sign for the marriage. So his wife couldn’t resist: “Okay, but as soon as we have an argument you’re back in our bed.”
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All in the Perspective Two mothers met for coffee. “Well Ruthie, how are the kids?” “To tell you the truth, my son has married a real tramp!” says Ruth. “She doesn’t get out of bed until 11. She’s out all day spending his money on Heaven knows what, and when he gets home, exhausted, does she have a nice hot dinner for him? Ha! She makes him take her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant.” “Oh! What a shame. And how about your daughter?” “Ah! Now there’s a lucky girl. She has married a saint. He brings her breakfast in bed, he gives her enough money to buy whatever she needs, and in the evening he always takes her out to dinner at a nice restaurant.”
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