Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Today's Jokes Plus Get a Free Education Handbook

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You've been programming too long when

- When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

- When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

- When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed,then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.

- When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.

- When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"

- When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.

- When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.

- When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.

- When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.

- When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.

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Half The Job

"This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of your job for you."

Studying the machine, the senior VP said, "Fine, I'll take two."

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"In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues." Helen Rowland

"Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that." Unknown

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." Rita Rudner

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Email Anonymous

- You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

- You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

- You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.

- You start using smileys in your snail mail.

- You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com

- You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

- You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.

- You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

- You don't know what gender three of your closest friends are because they have neutral screen names and you never bothered to ask.

- You tell the cab driver you live at http://1000.edison.garden/house/brick.html

- You start tilting your head sideways to smile :)

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-- From the ArcaMax editors

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