Today's Jokes Plus Private Information Now Available

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: Private Information Now Available Not too long ago, only the police department and the government could access private information. Now the law has changed and you too can investigate others, including employees, delivery people, vendors coming to your home, possible dates, new neighbors, and even long-time acquaintances. With our legal & easy-to-use database, you can research information about almost everyone in the United States, Canada and Western Europe. You can now discover important, needed details about others, including arrests, bankruptcies, past marriages or divorces... Please click now to begin your search.
Repair Estimate When my printer's type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job myself. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."
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Floppy Disk Care By following the instructions below, you should have error-free, long-lasting floppy disks. 1. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders. 2. Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time. 3. Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" diskettes may be folded and used in "little" disk drives. 4. Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive. 5. Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the xerox machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert two diskettes into the drive. Whenever you update a document, the data will be written on both diskettes. 6. Diskettes should not be inserted or removed from the drive while the red light is flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly unreadable text. Occasionally the red light remains flashing in what is known as a "hung" or "hooked" state. If your system is "hooking" you will probably need to insert a few coins before being allowed access to the slot. 7. If your diskette is full and you need more storage space, remove the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for 2 minutes. This will pack the data enough (Data Compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all the openings with scotch tape to prevent loss data. 8. Access time can be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the diskette jacket. This will provide more simultaneous access points to the disk. 9. Diskettes may be used as coasters for beverage glasses, provided that they are properly waxed beforehand. Be sure to wipe the diskettes dry before using. (see item 2 above) 10. Never use scissors and glue to manually edit documents. The data is stored much too small for the naked eye, and you may end up with data from some other document stuck in the middle of your document. Razor blades and scotch tape may be used, however, provided the user is equipped with an electron microscope. 11. Periodically spray diskettes with insecticide to prevent system bugs from spreading.
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Seen on People's Bumpers Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you." Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. Adults are just kids who owe money. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. You! Off my planet! Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?
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Healthy Lifestyle A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
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