| Q: My wife's brother-in-law (my "brother-in-law-in-law"), who came here from Taiwan a few years ago, ran across the sentence "I can't help but to go" and asked if it should be "I can't help but go." I think his point is correct, but I am sure I have heard the expression both ways. What's your call? -- Jamie Hook, Princeton, N.J.
A: Well, my first call would be to your brother-in-law to apologize for calling him your "brother-in-law-in-law." One definition of "brother-in-law" is "the husband of your spouse's sister." Of course, perhaps your brother-in-law is an attorney, in which case he would indeed be a "brother-in-law in law."
I guess I'm a little sensitive on this issue because, during the course of two marriages, I've been fortunate enough to call three fine fellows married to my wives' sisters "brothers-in-law." One of them taught me to how to carve a turkey, another how to grill salmon and a third... well, let's just say I know how to hot-wire a car.
Your brother-in-law's concerns over "I can't help but to go" are understandable. Idioms like this are the pirates of English; they're quirky, illogical and a little dangerous. (Why am I thinking of that third brother-in-law?)
First, I'd drop the "to"; it's not ungrammatical, but it makes an already wordy phrase wordier. But is "can't help but go" an acceptable idiom?
Most authorities say yes. While some, like me, would prefer that you drop "but" and change "go" to a participle ("I can't help going"), most endorse "can't help but," "cannot help but" and "couldn't help but" as legitimate idioms.
After all, they appear regularly in mainstream publications: "I can't help but wonder ..." (Houston Post); "One cannot help but rejoice" (New York Times); "I couldn't help but feel..." (New Yorker).
As long as we're on the subject, I can't help listing other similarly acceptable idioms involving "can" and/or "but." Some may sound stuffy, but they're still in use:
- "can but" -- I can but weep over the tragedy. No scholar can be but overwhelmed by the evidence.
- "cannot but" -- I cannot but be moved by your plea. I cannot but think of my own son.
- "cannot choose but" -- Grammarians cannot choose but be amused by the vigor and vitality of illogical idioms. Husbands cannot choose but sigh over the eccentricity of their brothers-in-law.
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