Today's Jokes Plus Earn Money While You Sleep

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Bridal Suite... Every year on their wedding anniversary my boss, Woody, and his wife celebrated by staying at the same resort hotel. On their 25th anniversary they booked their usual room. But when the hotel's bell captain escorted them upstairs, they were in for a big surprise. "There must be some mistake," Woody said. "This looks like the bridal suite." "It's okay," the bell captain reassured him. "If I put you in the ballroom, that doesn't mean you have to dance."
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Stranded The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him. When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, "The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued."
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A Man's World You know you're in a man's ideal world when: -- Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number. -- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response To "I love you." -- When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. -- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the backside and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it. -- Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the football team of your choice. -- At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone. -- Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!" -- It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
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One More Wish A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray and said, "And what will your third wish be?" The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?" "You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left." "Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women." "Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever. "That was your first wish, too!"
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