Saturday, January 23, 2010

Today's Jokes Plus Claim Your Free $1,000 Sam's Gift Card

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Things To Do At Wal-Mart When You're Bored Part 1

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3 in housewares, "and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

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Things To Do At Wal-Mart When You're Bored Part 2

6. Move a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera. Use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.

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Things To Do At Wal-Mart When You're Bored Part 3

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14 When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while. Then, yell very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

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Cow On The Tracks

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.

"What's going on?" she yells out the window.

"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.

Within five minutes, however, it stops again.

The woman sees the same conductor walk again.

She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"

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