| Sylvia Rimm Q: Can you give me some tips to help my 10-year-old son become more independent? He needs to be reminded to dress, brush, bathe, eat, � everything. He won't do his homework unless I'm sitting with him and giving him directions and help. He's very bright and can do the work.
A: Your son can become much more independent, but you will probably have to teach him one independent routine at a time. You might want to begin with a morning routine for waking, dressing and getting ready for school. You can buy him his own alarm clock, teach him how to set it and, with his help, put together a checklist of all he needs to do to be ready for school on time. You can join him for breakfast after he's accomplished everything on his checklist. If he's all ready for school and has a little more time left, his reward can be some TV time. After he has accomplished morning on his own without your nagging, you can praise his new independence. In a few weeks that will become a habit, and you'll be ready for him to establish a bedtime routine with a similar list.
Finally, you can establish his independent homework routine. Usually, I suggest children work at a desk in their own rooms, or at least in a quiet place where they won't be interrupted by siblings or television. At first, your son may resist doing his homework alone. You can ask him to do one subject at a time and then bring the work to you to show what he's accomplished. You can review it, and if he seems to have done a reasonable job, you don't have to correct it, but can leave the correction to the teacher. On the other hand, if he's done careless work, ask him to do it over again. If he hasn't understood it correctly, you can explain it to him, watch him do a small amount, and then send him back to his room to work independently.
Another approach is to set a timer for 20 minutes at a time, having him check with you each time the timer goes off. Sometimes timers are effective for helping children concentrate better and become more efficient. Eventually, he should be able to complete all his homework on his own, but at his age, it's still good to look over his work after he's completed it to be sure he understands it. After homework is done, playing a game with him is also motivating.
All these independent routines and more, like chores, are described in my book, "Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades" (Great Potential Press, 2008). It will be very important that your son become more independent before he attends middle school where teachers expect children to accomplish a great deal on their own.
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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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