Dog Talk with Uncle Matty: Resolution No. 1 is 'No More Denial'
By Matthew “Uncle Matty” Margolis The word "acceptance" gets a bad rap. Acceptance is not resignation. It's not defeatist or complacent. Acceptance is powerful and progressive -- a symbol that marks that point in time when a person seizes control of their life. Acceptance is the antidote to denial.
Denial fuels paralysis. It destroys relationships, drains bank accounts, limits potential, inhibits progress, wreaks havoc on our health and leaves questionable politicians in power for far too long. And it's certainly no way to deal with a dog.
An acquaintance of mine is having trouble with his neighbors -- if you ask him. If you ask them, they're having trouble with his dogs.
I asked him what the problem was, and he said, "My neighbors say my dogs bark when I'm not home, but I don't think they do."
Not "but I know they don't because I recorded them while I was out."
Not "but I know they don't because I pretended to leave and then caught the neighbor red-handed provoking my dogs."
Nope. For him it was enough to simply deny the possibility outright and assume his neighbors are lying. The irony is that he is an elementary-school teacher. No one is more familiar with the frustrations of denial than a teacher of young children.
"Thank you for coming in, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Your son hid a dead squirrel in my desk drawer today."
"Oh, but our Bobby would never do that. He loves all God's creatures."
Barking is a behavioral problem that frequently gets blown all out of proportion because of denial. Yes, barking is communication, it's natural, it's protection. But it's also annoying and disruptive when excessive.
Barking isn't the problem. Excessive barking is the problem. And if your dog is accused, the first step should be determining whether he is an excessive barker. If so, there are a multitude of options available to help manage or cure the problem behavior. But if we're too busy denying it exists, they'll be of little help.
The simple truth is that training your dog is a whole lot easier than dealing with all of the long-term difficulties denial ultimately presents: cold wars with neighbors, legal battles, court fees, time away from work, surprise visits from animal control. And then there are those pets that mysteriously disappear from the backyard or meet their maker suddenly and under questionable circumstances.
Of course, barking isn't the only problem made worse by denial. I recently spoke with a man who had just adopted a dog from a shelter. He was distraught because the dog kept attacking his cats. I asked him what the folks at the shelter told him about the dog's personality prior to the adoption. He said, 'They told me he doesn't like cats.'
Woof!
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Dog trainer Matthew "Uncle Matty" Margolis is co-author of 18 books about dogs, a behaviorist, a popular radio and television guest, and host of the PBS series "WOOF! It's a Dog's Life!" Read all of Uncle Matty's columns at the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com, and visit him at www.unclematty.com. Send your questions to dearuncle.gazette@unclematty.com or by mail to Uncle Matty at P.O. Box 3300, Diamond Springs, CA 95619.
Copyright 2010 Creators Syndicate Inc.
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