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| A Noise... My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs.
She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!"
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the tuna casserole I made tonight."
"That'll teach them!" I replied. |
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| Race Horses Several racehorses are in a stable. One on them starts boasting about his track record. "Of my last 15 races," he says, "I've won eight."
Another horse breaks in, " Well I've won 19 of my last 27!"
"That's good, but I've taken 28 of 36, " says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, a greyhound who's been sitting nearby listening says, "I don't mean to boast, but of my last 90 races, I've won 88."
The horses are clearly amazed. "WOW," says one horse after a prolonged silence, "a talking dog!"
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| New Shower In search of a new shower for our home, my wife and I went to a bathroom-supply store.
We discussed our needs with a young saleswoman. Since it was near closing time, we had to curtail our discussion and made plans to come back the next day to make our final decision.
Later that evening, my wife and I were at a restaurant, where the same young lady from the bathroom-supply store was now working a shift as a waitress.
As she passed our table, she suddenly recognized us and called to me in a loud voice, "HEY! You're the man who needs a shower!" |
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| Losing it... Mary Simpson was almost crazy with her three kids.
She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch."
"What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said.
So Mary bought a playpen.
A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going.
"Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that playpen with a good book and the kids don't bother me one bit!"
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| Advice from Carolyn Hax Advice columnist Carolyn Hax is famous for her ability to get to the root of people's problems -- not just what they say, but who they are and what they're thinking.
The resulting advice is often ruthless, sometimes controversial, and always hilarious.
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-- From the ArcaMax editors |
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