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| Instead of a Nursing Home There will be no nursing home in my future........
When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service ( which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).
3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare. If you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship. |
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| Just Can't Win "I see you were last employed by a psychiatrist," said the employer to the applicant. "Why did you leave?"
"Well," she replied, "I just couldn't win...
If I was late to work, I was hostile.
If I was early, I had an anxiety complex.
If I was on time, I was compulsive." |
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| Performance Review Terms, Part 1 AVERAGE EMPLOYEE:
Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:
Made no major blunders - yet.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
Drinks a lot.
FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
Spouse drinks, too.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:
Still one step ahead of the cops.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE:
Opinionated.
QUICK THINKING:
Offers plausible excuses for mistakes.
CAREFUL THINKER:
Won't make a decision.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:
Conceited.
PLANS FOR ADVANCEMENT:
Buys drinks for all the boys in the office at happy hour.
FORCEFUL:
Argumentative.
AGGRESSIVE:
Obnoxious.
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS:
Gets someone else to do it.
A KEEN ANALYST:
Thoroughly confused.
|
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| Performance Review Terms, Part 2 EXPRESS THEMSELVES WELL:
Speak English.
CONSCIENTIOUS:
Scared.
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL:
A nit picker.
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES:
Is tall or has a loud voice.
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGMENT:
Lucky.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR:
Knows a lot of dirty jokes.
STRONG PRINCIPLES:
Stubborn.
CAREER MINDED:
Back Stabber.
COMING ALONG WELL:
About to be let go.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION:
Gets to work on time.
RELAXED ATTITUDE:
Sleeps at desk.
EXPERIENCED PROBLEM SOLVER:
Screws up often.
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY:
Too ugly to get a date.
INDEPENDENT WORKER:
Nobody knows what he/she does all day.
FORWARD THINKING:
Procrastinator.
GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS:
Able to BS well.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Spends lots of time on phone.
LOYAL:
Can't get a job anywhere else.
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| Wine and Dine Daily Video Learn to make chocolate cupcakes with buttercream frosting, spring rolls, and even a classic mint julep. They're all easy with free videos from ArcaMax's new Wine and Dine Video Ezine!
Every day, this ezine will help you get creative with everything from appetizers to after-dinner cocktails. It even includes video profiles of restaurants and cooks from around the country.
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-- From the ArcaMax editors |
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