Today's Jokes Plus Get your FREE PLANTERS Chocolate Lovers Nuts

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: Yum!! It's Love at First Bite... Get the perfect combination of sweet chocolate and PLANTERS nuts together in your mouth! Satisfy your chocolate craving with crunchy, sweet PLANTERS Milk-Chocolate Cashews or Dark-Chocolate Almonds! A heavenly 2-Pack Sample of divine Milk-Chocolate Cashews or Dark-Chocolate Almonds is yours for FREE*! Indulge your taste buds - you'll be glad you did: Get your FREE* PLANTERS Chocolate Lovers Nuts TODAY!
Father's Opinion... 4 years: My daddy can do anything. 7 years: My dad knows a lot, a whole lot. 8 years: My father doesn't know quite everything. 12 years: Oh, well, naturally Father doesn't know that, either. 14 years: Father? Hopelessly old-fashioned. 21 years: Oh, that man is out-of-date. What did you expect? 25 years: He knows a little bit about it, but not much. 30 years: Maybe we ought to find out what Dad thinks. 35 years: A little patience. Let's get Dad's assessment before we do anything. 50 years: I wonder what Dad would have thought about that. He was pretty smart. 60 years: My Dad knew absolutely everything! 65 years: I'd give anything if Dad were here so I could talk this over with him. I really miss that man.
Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend
Sponsor Look years younger...instantly! More than a wrinkle treatment! Freeze 24/7 gives you "instantly younger" looks. Plus, receive four additional gifts that give you a complete anti-aging beauty regimen. Freeze 24/7 + FREE GIFTS are normally worth $102! However, you can try EVERYTHING for 30 days FOR JUST $9.99 S&H. Try it today! Click here for details...
Back from School A fifth generation farmer has determined that his son will be the first in their family to go to college. So he and the wife save every penny for years and when the big day comes for junior to leave for school, the old man is the proudest he's ever been. After the first semester junior comes home for Christmas break and the old man sits him down for a talk. "Well, boy, you been at school for three months now, I want you to tell me some of that fancy book learnin'." So junior says, "My favorite class is math, pa. Just last week we learned a new formula...Pi r squared." At hearing this the old man screws up his eyes and smacks his forehead, "Dog gone-it! I spent all that money on schooling and all you can tell me is Pi r squared? Why everybody know pie are round...CORNBREAD are squared!"
Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend
Sponsor Congratulations...You've Won: Free $1,000 Sam's Gift Card   * Use at any Sam's Club location   * Works the same as cash - never expires   * Get the latest Toys and Gifts   * Groceries, Furniture, Tools...   * HDTV Or A New Computer... Click And Claim Yours! p.s. - Also includes a Full Sam's Club 1 Year Membership.
Nightclub As a nightclub owner, I hired a pianist and a drummer to entertain my customers. After several performances, I discovered the drummer had walked away with some of my valuables. I notified police, who arrested him. Desperate for another drummer, I called a friend who knew some musicians. "What happened to the drummer you had?" he asked me. "I had him arrested," I replied. My friend paused for a second and asked, "Wow...How badly did he play?"
Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend
Sponsor This Halloween - Skip the trick, go for the treat... Vote in our Halloween Candy Survey for your chance to get a FREE $50 Visa Gift Card and an XXL bag of Chocolate or Peanut M&M's! (Participation required.) Click here to get started!
A Century Ago... Maybe this will boggle your mind, I know it did mine! The year is 1905 one hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes! Here are some of the U.S. statistics for 1905: The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years. Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. had a bathtub. Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars. There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads. The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph. Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union. The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower! The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents an hour. The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year. A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year. More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at home . Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as "substandard." Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee was fifteen cents a pound. Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo. Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason. The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were: 1. Pneumonia and influenza 2. Tuberculosis 3. Diarrhea 4. Heart disease 5. Stroke The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet. The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was 30!!! Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented. There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day. Two of 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated high school. Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." (Shocking!) Eighteen percent of households in the U.S had at least one full-time servant or domestic. There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S. And I forwarded this from someone else without typing it myself, and sent it to you in a matter of seconds! Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years . it staggers the mind.
Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend
To see more Jokes, visit the Jokes channel.
ArcaMax proudly distributes 75 popular newsletters, including Garfield, Recipes, Bible Verses, Gardening and Business Success. To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit: http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg ArcaMax publications are now available in an "advertising-free" format. Click here for details. We invite you to visit BookDaily: Book Samples for Book Lovers
Thank you for your subscription to Jokes from ArcaMax with the following email address: duncanjax@gmail.com Jokes from ArcaMax may be non-commercially distributed unedited! Please share it! Pass it along to friends, family and associates. SUBSCRIBING To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit: http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg UNSUBSCRIBING To discontinue this newsletter - Select this link Having Trouble? You may also try this link: http://www.arcamax.com/unsubscribe It is our policy and practice not to send unwanted email. ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. 729 Thimble Shoals Boulevard Suite B Newport News, VA 23606 Copyright 1996-2009 ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. All registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners.