Today's Jokes Plus Free $1,000 Sam's Gift Card

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Civil Servant A civil servant is badly hurt, after falling down the stairs at city hall. He is taken to the hospital where he remains in a coma for several days. Finally, an eye opens and his doctor tells him, "My friend, I have bad news and I have good news. First of all, you'll never be able to work again." "Okay," muttered the injured bureaucrat. "What's the bad news?"
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Bill Paying A wholesale dealer who had a lot of trouble in getting a certain retailer to pay his bills finally lost patience and wrote the merchant a threatening letter. He received the following reply: "Dear Sir: What do you mean by writing me a letter like that? Every month I place all my bills in a hat and then figure out how much money I have to pay on my accounts. Then I have my bookkeeper draw as many bills out of the hat as I have money to pay. If you don't like my way of doing business, I won't even put your bills in the hat."
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Spelling It Out My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won't understand what we're saying. I didn't realize what a habit this had become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup aisle. An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, "Boy, is she r-u-d-e!" "Yeah," he replied, "and I'll bet she can s-p-e-l-l."
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Dog Washing A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner Mom & Pop grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog." "But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him." But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said. The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog." "Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him." "Oh? What was it then?" "I think it was the spin cycle!"
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Spooky Books for Halloween Get yourself in the mood for the spookiest day of the year with free book samples from BookDaily! Read the first chapter of books like Seeking Spirits: The Lost Cases of the Atlantic Paranormal Society and more by e-mail. If you like it, you can buy it right away -- or add more samples to your own virtual "bookshelf" and have a new one sent to you every day. For more Halloween fun, party tips, games, and more, be sure to visit the new ArcaMax Halloween Guide. Visit BookDaily.com to start reading free samples. -- From the ArcaMax editors
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