Monday, October 5, 2009

Today's Jokes Plus Clean Windshields without Straining or Stretching

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by:

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The Little Voice

A guy gets home from work one night and hears a little voice. The little voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the little voice.

The next day, when he gets home from work, the same thing happens. The little voice tells him, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Again, the man ignores the little voice, though he is very troubled by the event.

Every day, day after day, the man hears the same little voice when he gets home from work, "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas." Each time the man hears the little voice he becomes increasingly upset. Finally, after two weeks, he succumbs to the pressure. He does quit his job, sells his house, takes his money and heads to Vegas.

The moment the man gets off the plane in Vegas, the little voice tells him, "Go to Harrah's." So, he hops in a cab and rushes over to Harrah's.

As soon as he sets foot in the casino, the little voice tells him, "Go to the roulette table." The man does as he is told. When he gets to the roulette table, the little voice tells him, "Put all your money on 17."

Nervously, the man exchanges all his money for chips and then puts them all on 17.

The dealer wishes the man good luck and spins the roulette wheel. Around and around the ball caroms. The man anxiously watches the ball as it slowly loses speed until finally it settles into number... 21.

The little voice says, "Oops..."

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Looking for Jesus

One day down by a river, a preacher had just baptized a young lady. A few minutes later, a drunk, non-religious man walked by the river.

The preacher said to him, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk said yes.

The preacher got him in the water, dipped him in and then raised him back up. He said, "Have you found Jesus?"

The drunk said no.

The preacher again dipped him in and raised him back up. The preacher said, "Have you found Jesus?"

The drunk again said no.

The preacher dipped him and raised him up for a third time. He said, "Have you found Jesus?"

The drunk said, "Are you sure he fell in here?"

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Looking Back on Photos

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"

A small voice from the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's still old, nasty, and wrinkled"

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We Have New Babies

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

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The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

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Choose from 60,000 Books -- Get Your Free Samples at BookDaily.com

ArcaMax Publishing has launched the new BookDaily.com!

Browse, search and read sample first chapters from your favorite authors -- and sign up for free email newsletters with the book samples you want to read later.

You'll find books from Lisa Jackson, Tucker Max, Brian Herbert, and many more.

Once you have given the site a look, we welcome any feedback or suggestions.

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-- From the ArcaMax editors

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