| Sylvia Rimm Q: I have a 4-year-old boy and a 5-year-old girl. Both have been potty trained during the day for years. However, both still wear diapers at night. I have tried various things to help them stay clean and dry at night (limiting water after supper, waking them up to go to the toilet, having them use the toilet before bed), but neither child has ever awakened dry in the morning. In fact, both children typically have a bowel movement overnight.
How can I help my children complete their potty training?
A: Bed-wetting is surprisingly common for children who are deep sleepers. Occasionally it takes until almost adolescence for some to sleep through the night dry or awaken themselves. It's very unusual at your children's ages to have bowel movements overnight, so that adds a difficult challenge. Limiting fluids after supper and going to the toilet before bedtime are definite requirements, but waking them up in the night may do more harm than good. It could prolong the problem.
There is no easy solution, but bed-wetting alarms do train bed-wetters to be sensitive to their need to urinate and are helpful in many, but not all, cases. The Dri-Sleeper alarm makes a sound at the first drops of urine and boasts success for night training 80 percent of the time. Be patient because although it trains some children in as little as two weeks, it's more likely to require several months before the child wakes up regularly. Use a reward system by giving your children points after each dry night for a special gift after 10 or 15 dry nights.
Don't expect those nights to be in a row -- an occasional accident may discourage them. Bed-wetting tends to run in families, so it's not surprising that both children are struggling. Children don't enjoy waking up wet nor do they wet or soil their bed intentionally.
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Attention Problems come from Many Sources
Q: We have a 4-year-old granddaughter who could follow a three-step command before turning 3. She talks all the time and has an excellent vocabulary. She recognizes letters, says most of their sounds and spots words on signs, but she is a poor listener.
She requires us to say things several times in order for her to follow through. She always takes the lazy way out; if you ask her a question, she answers, "I don't remember." Her summer-activity teachers and preschool teacher noticed the lack of focus and follow through as well. Help! Ideas?
A: It's obvious by your granddaughter's vocabulary and word recognition that she understands the words you use when you make requests. There are quite a few other causes for attention and focus problems that you can consider. You'll want to begin by ruling out hearing problems. Children with many ear infections sometimes do not hear consistently and become poor listeners since their hearing isn't dependable. Your granddaughter's physician can rule out that possibility.
Sometimes not following through is related to parents who don't follow through or are inconsistent in their expectations of children. The children become accustomed to being nagged to do those things they'd rather not do. Is there perhaps a new younger sibling at home who is receiving much needed attention? An older child who is coping with sibling rivalry may unconsciously search for attention by not doing what she's told to do. Using a timer to complete responsibilities can help motivate her to do what she's asked to do in a timely way. Pictured checklists and sticker rewards for compliance and responsibility are also useful.
A third possibility could be an attention disorder, and your granddaughter would need a professional evaluation by a psychologist to determine if that is part of her problem.
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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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