| Jane Horwitz "Couples Retreat" (PG-13, 1 hr., 45 min.)
Crass beyond all understanding and often devoid of laughs, this misbegotten comedy presents a perfect example of how useless the PG-13 rating has become. It's a good bet the filmmakers only narrowly avoided an R with a couple of discreet cuts, but "Couples Retreat" is an R in its frat-house-humor-filled heart. If it were actually funny on a consistent basis, one could forgive the endless masturbatory and testicular jokes (about adult characters who could have kids old enough to see this film) and just recommend it for 17 and older. But it is also a mess -- occasionally amusing, but too often going off in pointless directions and alternating the crude humor with scenes that are just boring or hypocritically preachy.
Four couples who are friends get a group rate to a Caribbean resort island where the management offers couples counseling. Only one pair, the controlling Jason (Jason Bateman) and his harried spouse Cynthia (Kristen Bell), really want the therapy. The others just want the beach. They are the happily married Dave (Vince Vaughn) and Ronnie (Malin Akerman), the unhappy Joey (Jon Favreau) and Lucy (Kristin Davis), and the newly single Shane (Faizon Love) and his 20-year-old girlfriend Trudy (Kali Hawk). The resort's pretentious guru (Jean Reno) sets the couples on a path to self-discovery that upends all four relationships.
This premise might be fruitful, except for the movie's juvenile approach to all things sexual, and the fact that only the male characters are the least bit substantial. The women are all pretty but bland except for poor Trudy, who is played -- and shame on the filmmakers for this -- as a squirm-inducing African-American stereotype. The film often sounds badly improvised. If not, the writers (who included Favreau and Vaughn) could have used a red pencil. The sexual humor is both crude and very visual -- as in a yoga class in which every position becomes sexualized. There are jokes about "ball cancer" and about the frequency of marital sex. There is a nongraphic sexual situation, implied frontal nudity, a bare derriere, toilet humor, mild nonsexual profanity, infidelity and divorce themes, a nonscary shark incident, and drinking. The movie is likely to attract high-schoolers based on the previews, which make it look funnier than it is. Again, it's not for under-17s.
Beyond the Ratings Game: Movie Reviews for various ages
-- OK FOR MOST KIDS 6 AND OLDER:
"Toy Story & Toy Story 2 Double Feature in Disney Digital 3D" G -- There's no reason why kids who love the "Toy Story" films and are looking forward to "Toy Story 3" (coming out next June) won't enjoy seeing the first two films remastered with 3-D effects. The difference is mainly that the colors (as is often true with 3-D) seem a bit washed out. But the cowboy doll Woody (voice of Tom Hanks) and space traveling doll Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen) et al. are still lovable and their adventures as part of a little boy's toy collection -- which comes to life when he's not around -- still comical, occasionally poignant and somewhat scary. Made in 1995 and 1999 respectively, the pioneering Pixar films look just a bit dated today, because the technology has advanced so fast. But in the end, it's the story that must hold kids' attention, and it surely still does that.
"Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" PG -- Deliriously funny and inventive, this animated comedy (loosely based on the children's book) in 3-D will tickle kids 6 and older. In fact, the hilarity will delight all ages. A few things could scare the littlest ones: There is a dangerous spaghetti tornado, an avalanche of leftovers, and a harrowing midair struggle with an out-of-control food-flinging machine. There is mild toilet humor and one character swells up after eating peanuts, but is OK. In a dreary little island town off the Atlantic Coast, inventor Flint Lockwood (voice of Bill Hader) creates a machine that converts water into food. Only he can't control it. It blasts into the sky and rains cheeseburgers, steaks, ice cream and more onto the town. The mayor senses a tourism bonanza. A perky TV weather reporter, Sam Sparks (Anna Faris), covers the story and Flint senses a kindred spirit in her, but then the pasta twister hits and they must stop his machine!
-- PG-13s OF VARYING INTENSITY, AND 2 PGs MORE FOR TEENS:
"Couples Retreat" (NEW) -- Crass, juvenile and unredeemed by much in the way of genuine humor, this misbegotten comedy is a perfect example of how useless the PG-13 rating has become. The movie is full of masturbatory and testicular humor and graphic visual innuendo. If it were actually funny, one could forgive and just recommend it for 17 and older. But it is also a mess -- occasionally amusing, but too often going off in pointless directions, alternating crude humor with scenes that are just boring. Four couples get a group rate to a Caribbean resort where the management offers couples counseling. Only one pair, the controlling Jason (Jason Bateman) and his harried spouse Cynthia (Kristen Bell), really want the therapy. The others just want the beach. They are the happily wed Dave (Vince Vaughn) and Ronnie (Malin Akerman), unhappily wed Joey (Jon Favreau) and Lucy (Kristin Davis), and the newly single Shane (Faizon Love) and his 20-year-old girlfriend Trudy (Kali Hawk). A pretentious couples guru (Jean Reno) sets them all on an unsettling path of self-discovery. Only the male characters are the least bit interesting, while the women are all bland but pretty, except for young Trudy, who is played -- and shame on the filmmakers -- as a squirm-inducing African-American stereotype. There is an implied nongraphic sexual situation, a bare behind, implied frontal nudity, toilet humor, milder profanity, divorce and infidelity themes, a nonscary shark incident, and drinking. Not for under-17s.
"Fame" PG -- This pallid update of the original "Fame" (R, 1980) takes an idea that was sentimental but also exciting -- teens at a magnet high school struggling to master performing arts -- and reduces it to music video snippets. Set in a fictional version of New York's fabled LaGuardia High School of Music & Art and Performing Arts, this "Fame" follows Jenny (Kay Panabaker), who finds acting and singing really hard; Marco (Asher Book), who makes it look easy; Denise (Naturi Naughton) who plays classical piano, but longs to sing; and Malik (Collins Pennie), who has acting talent, but too much anger. Their teachers (dance, Bebe Neuwirth; classical music, Kelsey Grammer; theater, Charles S. Dutton; voice, Megan Mullally) seem to have been airlifted into the film, as does Debbie Allen, who was in the original "Fame" and the 1980s TV show, as the principal. There is an attempted nongraphic seduction, other mild sexual innuendo, teen drinking and rare mild profanity. Kids 10 and up who like the arts may be drawn to this "Fame."
"Whip It" -- Drew Barrymore makes her directing debut here and proves strong with actors and pretty slapdash on narrative. "Whip It" (written by Shauna Cross, based on her book) is about Bliss Cavendar (Ellen Page of "Juno" fame -- PG-13, 2007), who is 17 and chafing under her mother's (Marcia Gay Harden) insistence that she compete in a prissy teen beauty pageant in their small Texas town. Bliss spies a group of raucous young women on skates in nearby Austin and learns they're from a roller-derby team, with monikers like Rosa Sparks (pop star Eve) and Smashley Simpson (Barrymore). With her best friend's (Alia Shawkat) help, Bliss joins them and becomes Babe Ruthless. Her dad (Daniel Stern) helps keep the peace after her mom finds out. There are subtle drug references (no drug use), cigarette smoking by an adult, beer drinking by teens, an implied sexual situation (kissing, removal of outer clothing) between Bliss and a rock musician (Landon Pigg), midrange profanity, crude sexual slang and mayhem on skates. OK for high-schoolers.
"The Invention of Lying" -- This ingenious, irreverent little comedy loses some steam in its third act but along the way, it cleverly spoofs the human need for faith, mystery (i.e. religion) and those little lies that spare people's feelings. Our narrator, Mark (Ricky Gervais, who co-wrote and co-directed), lives in an alternate world where everyone is genetically wired to tell the tactless (and funny) truth, and where "there is no fiction." On a first date, the beautiful Anna (Jennifer Garner) tells the unhandsome Mark he hasn't got a chance with her. After he gets fired and goes broke, Mark accidentally discovers he can tell untruths in order to cope and everyone, including Anna, will believe him. He lies to get money out of the bank and he tells his dying mother that an afterlife awaits. The afterlife idea catches on and Mark becomes a sort of con man/prophet. The script includes fairly explicit sexual language and innuendo, homophobic slurs, suicide jokes, midrange profanity, and drinking. For sophisticated high-schoolers.
"Bright Star" PG (LIMITED RELEASE) -- The romantic poet John Keats, penniless, consumptive, and in love with his flirtatious, unliterary London neighbor Fanny Brawne, is torn between his art and his heart in this intense, gorgeously atmospheric fact-based film by Australian director Jane Campion. (The title comes from a Keats sonnet: "Bright star! Would I were steadfast as thou art. ... ") High-schoolers of a dreamy or literary bent ought to find it irresistible, though they may be put off at first by the Brit-Lit sound of educated Londoners, circa 1818. The love between Fanny (Abbie Cornish) and Keats (Ben Whishaw) remains chaste, though there is kissing, cuddling and a clear sense of longing. Keats' crass compadre (Paul Schneider) fears Fanny will distract the poet from his work. Yet Keats writes deathless poems and love letters to her. There are scenes of people dying of tuberculosis, having (nongraphically) coughed up blood. There is an out-of-wedlock pregnancy, social drinking and smoking.
-- R's:
"A Serious Man" (NEW; LIMITED RELEASE) -- Filmmakers Joel and Ethan Coen ("No Country for Old Men," R, 2007) focus their ironic, off-center lens on a middle-class Jewish suburb in Minnesota, circa 1967. Larry Gopnik (Michael Stuhlbarg), a physics professor, becomes a modern-day Job who gets little consolation from the rabbis he begs for advice. Larry's wife (Sari Lennick) is leaving him for an insufferable man (Fred Melamed). His son (Aaron Wolff) smokes pot, listens to Jefferson Airplane on a transistor radio in Hebrew class and is addicted to "F-Troop" on TV. His teenage daughter (Jessica McManus) throws tantrums. His older brother (Richard Kind) sleeps on the couch, hogs the bathroom and uses a machine to drain a cyst on his neck (not graphic, but a classic Coen brothers detail). Then a student tries to bribe Larry for a passing grade. Larry's other temptation is the lady next door who sunbathes nude. The movie is rich in spiritual conundrums and quirky characterizations, but it also veers close to being a work by Jewish intellectuals who seem to despise their own background. The film contains nudity, a briefly graphic sexual situation, young teens smoking pot, strong profanity and brief violence. OK for high-schoolers but not likely to fascinate them.
"Zombieland" -- Gore and hilarity go together like tea and crumpets in this riotous horror spoof. From writing to characters to visuals, "Zombieland" works. Our narrator is Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), nicknamed for his Ohio hometown. He was a college student in Texas, he tells us, when a virus turned most of humanity into marauding, flesh-and-bone-eating zombies. A neurotic loner who has learned to wield a shotgun, he has developed many rules for survival. Then he meets Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a Twinkie-loving macho man who loves blasting zombies. Sisters Wichita (Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) con the guys out of their vehicles at first, but then, warily, the four team up. Bill Murray has a brief but choice cameo. Along with the comically gross violence, the film contains profanity, crude sexual slang and brief zombie toplessness. OK for most high-schoolers.
"Capitalism: A Love Story" -- Documentary filmmaker and left-liberal gadfly Michael Moore ("Sicko," PG-13, 2007; "Farhenheit 9/11," R, 2004; "Bowling for Columbine," R, 2002), with his trademark mix of slyness, naivete and humor, takes after what he sees as the excesses of unregulated capitalism -- a trend he believes has hurt more Americans than it has helped. Moore chronicles sad stories of people losing their homes, greedy real-estate folk racing to turn over the vacant houses, and Wall Streeters who bundled those lethal "mortgage-backed securities." He uses his Catholic faith to argue that unregulated capitalism goes against Jesus' teachings of protecting the weak. He even tries to wrap Wall Street in crime-scene tape. For high-schoolers into current events, this alternative point of view will expand their horizons. The R is for strong profanity.
"The Informant!" -- Discerning high-schoolers will find rich amusement in this tragicomic (mostly comic), fact-based story of an industrial whistle-blower. Director Steven Soderbergh has spun a deliciously deadpan American fable (based on Kurt Eichenwald's book) about Mark Whitacre (a beefy, mustachioed, terrific Matt Damon). A biochemist and VP at agribusiness biggie Archer Daniels Midland, Whitacre goes to the FBI in 1992 and tells them ADM has been price fixing. Special Agents Shepard (Scott Bakula) and Herndon (Joel McHale) gradually learn that Whitacre is a wildly unreliable witness with mental health issues. A mild R, rated for strong, nonsexual profanity.
(c) 2009, Washington Post Writers Group.
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