Today's Jokes Plus

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You Might Be From New York If...... * You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan. * You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. * The subway makes sense to you, and the subway should never be called anything like the Metro. * Your door has more than three locks and is made of steel. * You think Central Park is "nature." * You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the US pay on their mortgage. * You haven't seen more than 12 stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid. * You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents. * You have 27 different take-out menus next to your tele- phone. * Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip." Of course, you only go there to attend weddings or funerals. * America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you. * You have jaywalking down to an art form. You're born with it. * You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise. * You don't hear sirens anymore. * You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns.
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Morning... Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," And there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
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CD Player I wanted to buy a CD player, but was completely perplexed by one model's promotional sign. So I called the salesclerk over and asked, "What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?" He said, "That means that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal." "In other words," I said, "this CD player plays CDs." "Exactly."
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Honk I was at a stop light, behind a car with a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus." So I honked. The driver leaned out his window, gave me an very impolite gesture, and yelled, "Can't you see the light is still red, you MORON!?"
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