Today's Jokes Plus Get your FREE PLANTERS Chocolate Lovers Nuts

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: Yum!! It's Love at First Bite... Get the perfect combination of sweet chocolate and PLANTERS nuts together in your mouth! Satisfy your chocolate craving with crunchy, sweet PLANTERS Milk-Chocolate Cashews or Dark-Chocolate Almonds! A heavenly 2-Pack Sample of divine Milk-Chocolate Cashews or Dark-Chocolate Almonds is yours for FREE*! Indulge your taste buds - you'll be glad you did: Get your FREE* PLANTERS Chocolate Lovers Nuts TODAY!
Got Bugs? My husband works as a service technician for a large exterminating company. One of the rules of the company is that he has to comfirm each appointment by phone the night before his service call to that household. One evening he made such a call, and when a man answered the phone, he said, "Hi, this is Gary from A to Z Pest Control Company. Your wife phoned us." There was a long silence, and then my husband heard the man on the other end say, "Honey, it's for you....someone wants to talk to you about your relatives."
Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend
Sponsor EasyBakeWare.com - Free Item of the Month Choose Any 1 Pan FREE. Get Yours Now, While Supplies Last. $20 Value! Yours FREE. We're so confident you'll love our products, you'll be back for more! Click here for details...
Top 10 Reasons You Need a Vacation from your Dogs 1. When your spouse's shocked voice shouts from the shop, "Honey, come quick, I've had a terrible accident!", you show up breathless with a mop and scent neutralizer. 2. You wake panicked in the middle of the night when you sense you suddenly have room to move your body around the bed. 3. You can't sleep unless you hear lots of heavy breathing in your bedroom 4.The emergency number on your speed dialer is for the dog's veterinarian. 5. When someone taps you on the shoulder, you tell them firmly, "Off!", then "Down!". 6. When tempers flare among your family members, you pull out the long forefinger, pointedly raise your voice and shout "Go to your crates, now!" 7 When someone asks what's for dinner you automatically reply, "Kibbles and Bits". 8. When you are walking a ring around the local park and someone points at you and your dog, you raise both arms over your head, whoop and go looking for a ribbon. 9. When shopping, your best friend asks you what you think of that snappy suit in the window, and you scowl and mutter, "Useless, it is the same color as my dog and it has no pockets." 10.When your neighbor points to her crawling infant and asks you what you think of her new baby, you study it for a minute and reply, "Well, a little short on coat and long in the hock, but that kid has a great topline!"
Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend
Sponsor Neurostin - Memory Performance Do you want to always be on your game mentally, stay focused and have a solid memory? Neurostin is a scientifically-advanced, non-prescription "brain superfuel" which can prevent and reverse memory loss, provide an overall boost for brain strength and stop the damage to brain cells. Click Here to Get Your 30-Day Risk Free Trial of Neurostin
Calling Who? A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?" "Yes, it is," came the reply. "Thank God! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."
Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend
Sponsor Awesome Auger Take the hard work out of yard work. Plant twice as much in half of the time with Awesome Auger. Awesome Auger is perfect for planting trees, cutting roots and powering out rock without bending, backaches and blisters. Attaches to any drill- just pull the trigger, plant and grow. Get Awesome Auger today!
10 Things a Mother Doesn't Want to Hear 1. I swallowed a goldfish. 2. Your lipstick works better than crayons. 3. Does grape juice leave a stain? 4. The principal called... 5. But DAD says that word all the time. 6. What's it cost to fix a window? 7. Has anyone seen my earthworms? 8. I painted your shoes pretty, huh Mommy? 9. The dog doesn't like dressing up in your clothes. 10. I'm moving out.
Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend
Free Health Tips from the You Docs Start improving your lifestyle today with help from the You Docs. Doctors Michael Roizen and Mehmet Oz, as seen on "Oprah," have been offering simple, effective advice to readers and viewers for years. Now their health tips are available free by e-mail from ArcaMax. Sign up now and start getting fit and healthy with help from two of America's favorite doctors! Subscribe to the You Docs ezine instantly. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors
To see more Jokes, visit the Jokes channel.
ArcaMax proudly distributes 75 popular newsletters, including Garfield, Recipes, Bible Verses, Gardening and Business Success. To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit: http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg ArcaMax publications are now available in an "advertising-free" format. Click here for details. We invite you to visit BookDaily: Book Samples for Book Lovers
Thank you for your subscription to Jokes from ArcaMax with the following email address: duncanjax@gmail.com Jokes from ArcaMax may be non-commercially distributed unedited! Please share it! Pass it along to friends, family and associates. SUBSCRIBING To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit: http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg UNSUBSCRIBING To discontinue this newsletter - Select this link Having Trouble? You may also try this link: http://www.arcamax.com/unsubscribe It is our policy and practice not to send unwanted email. ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. 729 Thimble Shoals Boulevard Suite B Newport News, VA 23606 Copyright 1996-2009 ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. All registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners.