Today's Jokes Plus Become a Millionaire Overnight!

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: Cell Phone Glitch is Accidentally Making Millionaires Overnight! Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've seen in over 50 years. And here's everything they don't want you to know...
Psychiatrists While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk. "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one says, "but we have no one to go to with our own problems." "Since we're all professionals," another suggests, "why don't we hear each other out right now?" They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can." The second admits, "I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me." The third psychiatrist says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."
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Diagnosis A patient complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor calmly replied, "Just wait until the autopsy, then you'll see that I was right."
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Old Computer Terms, Part 1 BIT: A word used to describe computers, as in "Our son's computer cost quite a bit." BOOT: What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about your computer skills. BUG: What your eyes do after you stare at the big mean computer screen for more than 15 minutes. Also: what computer magazine companies do to you after they get your name on their mailing list. CHIPS: The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals. COPY: What you have to do during school tests because you spend too much time at the computer and not enough time studying. CURSOR: What you turn into when you can't get your computer to perform, as in "You $#% computer!" DISK: What goes out in your back after bending over a computer keyboard for seventeen hours at a clip. DUMP: The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install your computer. ERROR: What you made the first time you walked into a computer showroom to "just look." EXPANSION UNIT: The new room you have to build on to your home to house your computer and all its peripherals.
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Old Computer Terms, Part 2 FLOPPY: The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food (see Chips"). HARDWARE: Tools, such as lawn mowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you haven't laid a finger on since getting your computer. IBM: The kind of missile your family members and friends would like to drop on your computer so you'll pay attention to them again. MENU: What you'll never see again after buying a computer because you'll be too poor to eat in a restaurant. MONITOR: Often thought to be a word associated with computers, this word actually refers to those obnoxious kids who always want to see your hall pass at school. PROGRAMS: Those things you used to look at on your television before you hooked your computer up to it. RETURN: What a lot of people do with their computers after only a week and a half. TERMINAL: A place where you can find buses, trains and really good deals on hot computers. WINDOW: What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally erase a program that took you three days to set up.
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