Saturday, September 26, 2009

Today's Jokes Plus Get New Maybelline Define-A-Lash Mascara FREE!

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10 Signs Your Vet Bill Is Going To Require Financing

-- The doc's thermometer registers in Fahrenheit, Celsius and dollars.

-- The bill came with payment coupons.

-- Your Doberman just ate the receptionist.

-- "He has a very rare blood type. It's called '$$ Positive.'"

-- He starts talking about extended quality of life, miracles of modern veterinary medicine and joint replacement procedures. You own a goldfish.

-- They take away the blood sample on a sterling silver serving tray.

-- The sad, pathetic whining in the exam room is coming from the owners.

-- You suddenly realize where you've heard that low whistle before: from the plumber and the auto mechanic.

-- "Do you have any idea how expensive hamster defibrillators are?"

-- and the #1 Sign Your Veterinary Bill is Going to Require Financing:

"We can rebuild him. Make him stronger, faster...."

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Work Memo

Business must follow numerous rules and regulations laid down by government agencies. So maybe we shouldn't have been surprised by the memo from the county Department of Health Services.

"The month of August has been designated as Breast-Feeding Awareness Month," it read. "It is a good time for employers to review their policies relative to breast-feeding employees."

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Babies

My five year old daughter asked me the question I'd been dreading. "Mommy , how are babies made?" I did my best to explain but she still looked confused.

"What about kittens? She asked.

"Well it's exactly then same way, " I said.

"Wow!" she said excitedly. "My daddy can do anything"

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Injustice

-- In 2003, televangelist Jim Bakker paid a $3.7 million settlement for defrauding his followers. Lawyers got $2.5 million of it - and each victim got $6.54.

-- In a 2003, settlement between Sears and customers with improperly done wheel balancing. Lawyers got $2.45 million - and customers got $2.50 per tire.

-- When a bank settled a lawsuit over improper interest charges, the lawyers got $8.5 million. Each bank customer got less than $10, and then had to pay the bank $91 to reimburse its court fees.

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Choose from 60,000 Books -- Get Your Free Samples at BookDaily.com

ArcaMax Publishing has launched the new BookDaily.com!

Browse, search and read sample first chapters from your favorite authors -- and sign up for free email newsletters with the book samples you want to read later.

You'll find books from Lisa Jackson, Tucker Max, Brian Herbert, and many more.

Once you have given the site a look, we welcome any feedback or suggestions.

Visit BookDaily.com now.

-- From the ArcaMax editors

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