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| Tough Speech It was a full auditorium. Halfway through the author's talk, she began to feel sick. In a calm voice, she announced that she had left a few pages of her speech offstage, in her bag.
She walked off slowly and, as soon as she was out of sight, ran to the bathroom where she immediately threw up.
She was just about finished when someone came into the bath- room to tell her that her lapel mike was still on. |
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| The Tourist A Bedouin wandering in the Sahara happened upon an American dressed in a bathing suit, flip-flops, a big, over-sized t-shirt and sunglasses.
The Bedouin gazed at him in amazement, "What are you doing all the way out here dressed like that!?"
"I'm going swimming," the tourist explained.
"But the ocean is eight hundred miles away," the Arab informed him.
"Eight hundred miles!" the American exclaimed with a whistle of appreciation. "Boy, what a beach!"
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| Good Puns Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
Alarms: What an octopus is.
Dockyard: A physician's garden.
Incongruous: Where bills are passed.
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| Exercise for seniors... Just came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build musclestrength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I'd pass it on to some of my younger friends. The article suggested doing it three days a week.
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.
With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.
Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks.
Then 50-lb. potato sacks, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks; but be careful.
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