Today's Jokes Plus Obtain a Great Lawn Almost Instantly

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: "Give me ONE Day and I'll make your lawn the most dazzling spectacle on the block..." Discover why this professional gardener is finally revealing his secret, natural recipes, which took 50 years to develop... AND why he always refused to sell them to multi- national companies. Obtain a great lawn almost instantly: Select this link to read the whole story.
Teacher A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "'It's because yer feet ain't empty."
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The Perks of Being Over 50 -- Kidnappers are not very interested in you. -- In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first. -- No one expects you to run into a burning building. -- People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" -- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. -- There is nothing left to learn the hard way. -- Things you buy now won't wear out. -- You can eat dinner at 4 PM. -- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. -- You get into heated arguments about pension plans. -- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. -- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. -- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. -- You sing along with the elevator music. -- Your eyes won't get much worse. -- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. -- Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. -- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. -- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
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Church Etiquette A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
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House Shopping My husband had run to the store with our daughters, Sarah (4) and Hannah (2) and on the way home he drove through a neighborhood looking for houses for sale. After a bit Sarah asked, "Daddy, what are we doing?" My husband said he was looking at the houses that were for sale. Sarah asked "Are you gonna buy a new house?" Dad replied "Maybe." Then Sarah said with much concern, "But Dad, how will we get it HOME?!"
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Send in Your Fall Baby Photos While you're enjoying the long weekend with your family, be sure to take some pictures of your kids and grandkids -- and submit your best to the ArcaMax Baby Photo gallery! It's easy to upload your best pictures, and just as easy to vote on your favorites. Or send your friends and family to vote for yours, and make it the most popular for the month! To send in more pictures, visit the Gardening, Travel, and Pet Photo Galleries. Subscribe to ArcaMax Parents instantly for more reader photos, parenting tips, and more. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors
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