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| Signs You're "All Grown-Up Now" -- You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
-- 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
-- You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
-- You watch the Weather Channel.
-- Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
-- You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
-- Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
-- You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
-- You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
-- Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
-- Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
-- You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
-- Dinner and a movie is the whole date, instead of the beginning of one.
-- A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
-- You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
-- 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
-- You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
-- You read this entire list, looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you, but, can't find one to save your life.
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| How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? Part I ROTTWEILER: Just one. You want to make something of it?
DOBERMAN: Immediately decides to change the brand of light bulb and find a more efficient form of lighting -- perhaps a fluorescent bulb.
AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD: One, but just "try" to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
JACK RUSSELL TERRIER: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!
BULLDOG: Just one. But it takes them three years to do it.
POMERANIANS don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a German Shepherd in to do the job for them while they're out.
PUG: Er, two. Or maybe one. No -- on second thought, make that two. Is that OK with you?
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
or...
GOLDEN RETRIEVER: "I'll be glad to change the light bulb for you, but first can't we play catch with the tennis ball, or Frisbee -- and then I want to lick your face and rest my head in your lap and look up at you with my sad eyes. What, you're changing the light bulb yourself -- you didn't have to do that -- but I looooove you so much for being my friend and doing that."
AFGHAN: Light bulb? What light bulb?
CAT: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.
SHIBA-INU: Zero! Shibas aren't afraid of the dark!
SCHIPPERKE: It's your light bulb -- change it yourself. Unless... Is there food involved??
POODLE: Sorry, Just had my nails done.
BEAGLE: How many cookies do I get?
WEIMARANER: What?? Light bulb? You want ME to change a LIGHT BULB?
LAB: Why change it? The darker it is, the longer I can sleep.
BASENJI: LIGHT BULB? We don't change no stinking light bulbs!
MALAMUTE: Let *him* do it. You can pet me while he's busy.
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| How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? Part II BOXER: If I could stop wiggling my butt long enough to quit falling off the chair...
AMERICAN BULLDOG: One. JUMP, remove bulb, land. JUMP, replace bulb, land. Two: What light bulb, So? We can play in the dark.
DALMATIAN: Just one, but it will really hate the new bulb.
ROTTWEILER: I'll change the light bulb if I can eat the old one.
CORGI: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
SPRINGER: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
STANDARD POODLE: None. Go get human, sit under it, look up and point it out -- then go lie down in disgust that it took so long.
BORDER COLLIE: Just one. And he'll rewire the house while he's at it.
WOLFDOG: Let me see that light bulb, anyway. What's it made of, what's inside of it, what will happen if I drop it. I might change it, but let me think about it. You're not trying to tell me what to do, are you? Hey, I just had a great idea. I think I'll change that light bulb!
GERMAN SHEPHERD: "I'm kinda busy right now! I have to chase the cat, protect the kids, herd the horses, beg for food and take a nap. I'll add the light bulb to my "To Do" list..."
DACHSHUND: Well, first get me a ladder and a treat...no, you took too long. I want TWO treats and I'll do it......... No, not that treat, the other kind. Geez...do I have to do everything? (of course, followed by "the look".)
IRISH SETTER: It only takes one, but it will put in a really dim bulb.
PIT BULL TERRIER: Jump and take hold of old light bulb. Now, let go of old light bulb... I said LET GO OF LIGHT BULB! Please???? Let go of the light bulb?????? Let go?
GOOD OL' SOUTHERN HOUND DOG: Huh???? |
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| New Mattress Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother, Josh, and I decided to buy her one as a gift. The problem was we weren't sure what to get, because it was an odd size. Fortunately, my brother happened to be visiting my mother one day when I called home.
"Measure the bed frame before you leave," I told him.
"I don't have a tape measure."
"You can use a dollar bill," I suggested, "each one is six inches long."
"Can't," he replied after digging through his wallet, "I only have a ten."
[Reader's Digest.]
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| Happy Valentine's Day! Whether you're spending today with your family, your friends, or that special someone, ArcaMax wishes you a very happy Valentine's Day. Check out the special Valentine's Day feature one more time before the weekend is over for trivia, last-minute gift ideas, and free books to read online!
-- From the ArcaMax editors |
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