Today's Jokes Plus Claim Your Free Best Buy Gift Card

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: Claim Your Free Best Buy Gift Card Could you use a new TV? Or how about a new game system for the kids? Or even the newest released movies? Get your free $1000 Best Buy Card Today! (Participation required) Click here for details...
Injustice -- In 2003, televangelist Jim Bakker paid a $3.7 million settlement for defrauding his followers. Lawyers got $2.5 million of it - and each victim got $6.54. -- In a 2003, settlement between Sears and customers with improperly done wheel balancing. Lawyers got $2.45 million - and customers got $2.50 per tire. -- When a bank settled a lawsuit over improper interest charges, the lawyers got $8.5 million. Each bank customer got less than $10, and then had to pay the bank $91 to reimburse its court fees.
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Boring Class A professor at the Michigan State University was known for giving boring, cliche-ridden lectures. At the beginning of one semester, an innovative class breathed new life into the course by assigning baseball plays to each hackneyed phrase. For example, when the professor said, "On the other hand," that counted as a base hit. "By the same token" was a strike out; "and so on" counted as a stolen base. Divided into two teams by the center aisle of the lecture hall, the students played inning after inning of silent but vigorous baseball. On the last day of class, the impossible happened: the score was tied and bases were loaded. Then the batter hit a home run! The winning team stood and cheered wildly. Though deeply appreciative, the professor later was quoted as wondering why only half of the students had been enthusiastic about his lectures.
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One-Liners -- When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a half. -- I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected. -- The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value. -- I have learned there is little difference in husbands; you might as well keep the first. -- If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make vegetable stew.
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An Addiction Connie told her 4-year-old grandson, Dean, not to jump on the beds. After several warnings she punished him, explaining that should he fall, he would hurt himself badly. Several minutes passed... and he was back to jumping on the beds. Connie said, "Dean, you weren't jumping on the beds again, were you?" He stood with his little head dropped low and said, "I'm trying, but it's so hard to quit."
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Free Recipes for Valentine's Day Plan a romantic dinner at home this year -- try free recipes for Marsala-Poached Figs over Ricotta, Valentine Heart Cake, and more from ArcaMax's Valentine's Day feature. This special section also has gift ideas, party planning tips, trivia, and more to make the holiday fun and simple. Visit the ArcaMax Valentine's Day Feature. Subscribe to the Recipes bundle for more free recipes by e-mail every day of the week. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors
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