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New Element Found The recent hurricane and gasoline issues helped prove existence of a new element. In early October [2005] a major research institution announced discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Government." Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons. Since Gv has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Gv causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second! Gv has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Gv is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass. When catalyzed with money, Gv becomes Administratium (Am) - an element which radiates just as much energy as Gv since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
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Age is a Funny Thing Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old?" Well . . .... You'll love this one! I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his, DDS, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. Hmmm ... Or could he? After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School. "Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang," he gleamed with pride. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?" "You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, wrinkled SOB asked, "What did you teach?"
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Source for Accurate Weather To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Sincerely, The CAT
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Words of Wisdom Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards. Trust everybody . . . then cut the cards. Don't do for others what, given the chance, they wouldn't do for themselves. Summer must be over. My neighbor just returned my lawn furniture. If you are willing to admit you are wrong when you are wrong, then you are all right. It's good to question authority, but not mine. Love doesn't really make the world go round, but it makes the ride worthwhile. Age is just a number and mine is unlisted. An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame. The first Ten Commandments are the hardest. A retired husband is a wife's full time job. Heredity is something parents comfortably believe in, if they have a bright child. Only one shopping day left until tomorrow! Happiness is the place between too little and too much. Circular arguments often make the rounds. Even at a Mensa convention, someone is the dumbest person in the room. When in doubt. . . mumble. Money can't buy everything . .but then again, neither can no money.
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New Healthy Life Daily Videos Could acupuncture treatment help breast cancer? Check out this video and learn about the latest research. More videos like this, including more of the latest health studies and reports from doctors, are available free with a subscription to ArcaMax's Healthy Life Daily Video ezine. Sign up for this brand-new newsletter and get a new video report by e-mail every day! Susbcribe to the Healthly Life Daily Video ezine instantly. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors
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