| - Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: Start Your Own Online Dollar Store! Website, Merchandise everything you need is here... And it's Free: No cost to purchase!
Find out more... Ever dream of owning your own online DOLLAR store? Now is your chance... And the best part of the
deal - it won't cost you a dime - Yet there is a
fortune to be made on the internet... And now is the best time for you to get started:
Read the full story here | |
| Are you an Engineer? If these remind you of yourself, it's a good bet you are an engineer.
- At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.
- In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure.
- The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.
- You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
- You bought your wife a new CD ROM for her birthday.
- You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
- You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.
- You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
- You forgot to get a haircut ... for 6 months.
- You have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area.
- You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
- You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
- You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
- You know what http:// actually stands for.
- You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.
- You see a good design and still have to change it.
- You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.
- You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa).
- You're in the back seat of your car, she's looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite.
- You know what the geosynchronous satellite's function is.
- Your laptop computer costs more than your car.
- You've already calculated how much you make per second.
- You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio.
|
| Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend |
| Sponsor Improve Body Stability and Alignment Over 5 Million People Get Relief with Walkfit Orthotics! Do you feel pain walking, running or just standing?
NEW WalkFit Platinum orthotics are guaranteed to get you
back on your feet - pain free! Over 5 million men and women
use WalkFit orthotics to walk, play and work without pain.
Now, we've taken good and made it better! See how the NEW WalkFit Platinum world's #1
custom-fitted orthotic can improve your life. |
| Black Market Drugs The FBI and the DEA are joining efforts and will be assigning some of their agents to a quasi-FBI/DEA enforcement team specifically targeting the illegal allergy pills sales that occur on the black market.
The agents will be called "Pseudo Feds." |
| Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend |
| Sponsor CHEERIOS - FREE* SAMPLE! Original - Frosted - Honey Nut... Select your Favorite - GET 2 BOXES FREE*! It's the Cheerio Challenge! Vote for your favorite
flavor Cheerios and get 2 BOXES FREE*. Simple! Just take our survey & complete the participation
requirements. Lower Your Cholesterol by 4% in just 6 weeks. Get Started & Pick Your SAMPLES! |
| In Line... Here are the reasons I'd Like to thank Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Target, and my local grocer for having 25 checkout lanes and only three open at any given time.
-- Waiting in long lines keeps my domestic brain from going completely idle -- there's so much to learn!
- I can catch up on my magazine reading without buying any.
- I have time to leave my cart in line and run back to get the 13 things on my list I forgot.
- I can be one of those annoying cell phone users and catch up on all my phone calls to my insurance agent, mother-in-law, and Auntie Anne.
- I can catch a quick catnap now rather than on the drive home.
- I can assess what other people have in their carts and get exciting new dinner ideas.
- I can finally apply my top coat of nail polish with plenty of drying time.
- I can run next door and pick up my dry cleaning.
- I can update my coupon organizer and leave the trash in the we-never-open-enough-checkout-lanes store instead of my purse.
- I can practice my standup comedy routines on unsuspecting fellow customers.
- I can practice some standing yoga poses and then do those isometric muscle-contracting exercises no one else in line is supposed to know you're doing.
- I can taste test my package of the newest low-carb, zero-transfat, Splenda-saturated cookies.
- I can breathe heavily on my T-bones so they're defrosted in time for dinner and I won't have to leave them out on the driveway in the hot late afternoon sun as I normally do.
|
| Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend |
| Sponsor Test and Keep a Sony Vaio Laptop Congratulations! You have been chosen to receive
a FREE Sony Vaio Laptop! WiFi Ready... This multi-media
power house boasts an 18" wide screen. Take advantage of this unique offer and indulge
yourself today... Claim yours now... it's easy:
Visit to receive your FREE Sony Vaio Laptop!
It's a $1,699 Value. Get started now:
See offer details |
| Fined Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense.
"They should not put up such misleading notices," said Joe.
"It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE." |
| Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend |
| Advice from Carolyn Hax Advice columnist Carolyn Hax is famous for her ability to get to the root of people's problems -- not just what they say, but who they are and what they're thinking.
The resulting advice is often ruthless, sometimes controversial, and always hilarious.
See for yourself what great advice Hax has to offer. Subscribe to ArcaMax's Carolyn Hax ezine, and receive her witty, helpful advice free by e-mail!
Subscribe to the Carolyn Hax ezine instantly.
Find out more before subscribing.
-- From the ArcaMax editors |
| To see more Jokes, visit the Jokes channel. |
| ArcaMax proudly distributes 75 popular newsletters, including Garfield, Recipes, Bible Verses, Gardening and Business Success. To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit:
http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg ArcaMax publications are now available in an "advertising-free" format.
Click here for details. We invite you to visit BookDaily: Book Samples for Book Lovers |
| Thank you for your subscription to Jokes from ArcaMax with the following email address:
duncanjax@gmail.com Jokes from ArcaMax may be non-commercially distributed unedited! Please share it! Pass it along to friends, family and associates. SUBSCRIBING To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit:
http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg UNSUBSCRIBING To discontinue this newsletter - Select this link Having Trouble? You may also try this link:
http://www.arcamax.com/unsubscribe
It is our policy and practice not to send unwanted email. ArcaMax Publishing, Inc.
729 Thimble Shoals Boulevard
Suite B
Newport News, VA 23606 Copyright 1996-2009 ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. All registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners. |
| |
No comments:
Post a Comment