Today's Jokes Plus Reach Your Financial Goals

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: Reach Your Financial Goals With Robert Allen Fact: "I was challenged to take someone from Regis Philbin's studio audience and teach them wealth building principles... 90 days later Pat Watson walked away $20,000 richer!" Fact: "On live TV I promised I would make $24,000 in 24 hours... I failed... instead I made $94,532.44!" Look over my shoulder and watch how I do it.. Click here to continue.
Inheritance A man went to his lawyer and stated, "I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it." The lawyer said, "No problem, leave it all to me." The man looked somewhat upset as he said, "Well, I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I'd like to leave a little to my children, too!"
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Woops... Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bath- room changing out of her hospital gown."
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Why ENGLISH is so Hard to Learn 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) After a number of injections my jaw got number. 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
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Martini? Father O'Brian, a young priest, was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of Alaska. After a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing. Father O'Brian said "this is a very lonely job and I don't think that I could have made it this long without my Rosary and two martinis each day." "What?!" Exclaimed the Bishop. "You've taken to drinking? What kind of example is that to set for the community? This doesn't reflect well on the church." "But the loneliness, I just couldn't stand it. If it weren't for my Rosary and those two martinis a day, I would surely have gone insane." The Bishop thought a moment, then said "I guess that is understandable considering..." With that the priest said to the Bishop, "Would you like to have a martini with me?" The Bishop said, "well, I really shouldn't but...Yes, that would be nice. I think I will, but just this once." The priest turned around and hollered toward the kitchen, "Hey Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please?"
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