Today's Jokes Plus $10 In Free Food From Schwan's

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: $10 In Free Food From Schwan's This is for the first 500,000 new customers! Click here for details...
Creepy Castle A young American tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old castle. At the end of the tour the guide asks her how she enjoyed it. She admits to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark cobwebby rooms and passages. "Don't worry" says the guide, "I've never seen a ghost all the time I've been here." "How long is that?" asks the girl. "About three hundred years."
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Red Tape At The Bank My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at my bank. The operator asked me what Ian's last name was and I explained that he hadn't left his surname. When she asked for his department, I said I didn't know. "There are 1500 employees in this building, ma'am," she advised me rather curtly. After a few more brusque comments, I asked her for her name. "Danielle," she said. "And your last name?" I asked. "Sorry," she replied, "we don't give out last names."
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Funny puns * I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. * He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends. * Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. * A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper. * He wears glasses during math because it improves division. * Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted. * Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. * When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A. * It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers. * Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground. * When the waiter spilled a drink on his shirt, he said, "this one is on me."
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Signing the Declaration... A school teacher was quizzing her students. "Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?" He said, "Darn if I know." She was a little put out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back. Next day, the father came with his son, sat in the back of the room to observe. She started back in on her quiz and finally got back to the boy. "Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again. Who signed the Declaration of Independence?" "Well, heck, teacher," Johnny said, "I told you I didn't know." The father jumped up in the back, pointed a stern finger at his son, and said, "Johnny, if you signed that darn thing, heck, you darn well better admit it!"
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