| Sylvia Rimm Q: I have a 5-year-old son with Down syndrome. Do you feel your same types of discipline and teachings apply?
A: Actually, the principles of good discipline are very similar for a Down syndrome child and an average child, but the development of a Down syndrome child is much more like that of a child at a somewhat younger age. For example, your 5-year-old might need behavior guidelines more like an average 3-year-old. He would need simpler, more concrete instructions and might also benefit by more repetition of rules and guidelines.
He, too, will need to have more choices and responsibilities as he matures, but that maturation process is slower, so you would need to be careful not to expect more responsible behavior than he can understand. It's also likely that school skills will be learned more slowly -- for lists of responsibilities, you would need pictures instead of words for a longer time. All children are different from each other, but it will help you to scale down the expectations for your son to those of a somewhat younger child.
Down syndrome children often have very friendly temperaments. They can be gentle and good helpers, but require especially patient parenting. If your Down syndrome son is in special education classes, his teacher can offer you guidance for setting realistic expectations for him.
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Q: I have a 120-pound, 8-year-old boy. He has always been a tall and heavy child. He is active in sports and socially comfortable with himself (except for his weight). Now that he is getting older, some of the children cruelly comment on his weight. When I try to encourage healthy eating habits and moderation for health's sake, he seems to be agreeable. However, if I must be firm with him to prevent excessive eating, he immediately says, "you are calling me fat" and feels hurt. I don't know how to explain delayed gratification or moderation without him taking it as a personal attack.
A: There's no doubt that your son is struggling emotionally if children cruelly comment on his weight. It's excellent that he's active in sports and comfortable socially. I notice that you emphasize healthy eating habits and moderation for health's sake, and that certainly will be helpful for him. When he says, "you are calling me fat," you'll need to remind him that you want to help him stay healthy. If you can exercise together as a family, he can become accustomed to an active lifestyle. Also, moderation, portion size and delayed gratification need to become part of a family lifestyle. Be sure not to leave him at home when the whole family goes out for ice cream on occasion. All kids need treats occasionally, regardless of their weight. For the most part, keep junk food out of the house.
I have a six-step healthy eating plan in my book, "Rescuing The Emotional Lives of Overweight Children" that will be helpful to you. The book will also sensitize you to the environmental trauma that overweight children experience. For many overweight children who matured into healthy-weight adults, increased exercise made the important difference, although healthy eating and smaller portion size were also critical.
For a free newsletter about "Rescuing the Emotional Lives of Overweight Children," send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below.
Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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