| What's wrong with these sentences?
1. Like the duck, the loon's nest is built near the shore.
2. The loon is a Bow Lake resident, on which several other loons live.
3. The baby loon is four times smaller than its mother.
That's right; they're loony -- illogical, confusing, puzzling. We think we know what the writer is trying to say, but something sounds wrong.
Sentence No. 1 contains an illogical comparison; the writer doesn't intend to compare the loon's nest to a duck. The sentence should read, "Like the duck, the loon builds its nest near the shore."
The author of sentence No. 2 assumed that "which" refers to "Bow Lake," but the proximity of "which" to "resident" suggests it refers to the entire noun phrase "Bow Lake resident." The sentence should read, "The loon resides on Bow Lake, on which several other loons live."
As for sentence No. 3, if "one time" of something means "100 percent of its value" (hence, "two times two is four"), then how could the baby loon be four times smaller than its mom? Just being one time smaller would bring it to the vanishing point, and four times smaller would place it in a parallel universe where things could be smaller than non-existent. Cool!
The writer might have written, "The baby loon is one-quarter the size of its mother."
Can you rewrite these loony statements as logical sentences?
1. Like many other birds, the lake provides the loon with a favorable summer habitat.
2. Large northern lakes are favored by loons, where they like to spend the summer.
3. The loon population on the lake is two times lower than it was 10 years ago.
4. The loon population on the lake is two times more than it was 10 years ago.
5. A delightful bird, the tremolo of the loon echoes over lakes on summer nights.
Possible rewrites:
1. The lake provides a favorable habitat for the loon, as it does for many other birds.
2. Loons favor large northern lakes, where they like to spend the summer.
3. The loon population on the lake is (half? a third?) of what it was 10 years ago.
4. The loon population on the lake is (twice? or thrice?) what it was 10 years ago.
5. A delightful bird, the loon sounds a tremolo that echoes over lakes on summer nights.
(Note: No loons were harmed in the writing of this column.)
========
Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Conn., invites your language sightings. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via e-mail to Wordguy@aol.com or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Rob Kyff and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.
|
No comments:
Post a Comment