Today's Jokes Plus Reverse Memory Loss

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: Neurostin - Memory Performance Do you want to always be on your game mentally, stay focused and have a solid memory? Neurostin is a scientifically-advanced, non-prescription "brain superfuel" which can prevent and reverse memory loss, provide an overall boost for brain strength and stop the damage to brain cells. Click Here to Get Your 30-Day Risk Free Trial of Neurostin
School Notes These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi School District. (Spellings have been left intact.) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33 Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend
Sponsor We'll double your Holiday order for FREE! Buy 1, get 1 Free applies to these great products: * Photo Wall Calendar * Photo Desk Calendar * 5x7 Folded Holiday Cards * 4x8 Holiday Cards * Deluxe Tote Bag * Mugs * Holiday return Address Labels * Photo Notebook These products are perfect for gifts for customers, friends and family! * Customize with your own photo or logo * Order now and receive in as few as 3 days! Get ahead of your holiday To-Do list and Order Now!
Potatoes Every morning during our coffee break, my co-workers and I listened to the culinary disasters of a newlywed colleague. We then tried to share some helpful hints and recipes. One day she asked us for step-by-step instructions on cooking sweet potatoes, one of her husband's favorites. "I've finally been able to make them sweet," she said, "but how do you make them orange?"
Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend
Sponsor Brighten your Smile Fast! Amazing Long Lasting Results in Just minutes! Look Confident With a Celebrity Smile Natural Dentist-Grade Whitening Ingredients At Last! Safe Teeth Whitening at Home!! Get Your Trial Offer Today!...
Church Social Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, "the price will be only $5.50." From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for only fifty cents?"
Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend
Sponsor Our Customers Set Our Prices! Looking for Brand Name Sunglasses? Watches? Jewelry? Visit bidz.com today, and you can get sunglasses and more at auction prices. For a few dollars, you can get name brand sunglasses, watches and jewelry. Why squander thousands at another store when you can get it from us for a fraction of the price? Auctions start at just $1! Bid Now!
Millionaire John is appearing on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with Regis Philbin. Regis, "John, you're up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars. If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32,000. Are you ready?" John, "Yes." Regis, "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it A)robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) pigeon." John, "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Mary." Mary answers the phone: "Hello?" Regis, "Hello Mary, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I have your friend John here who needs your help to answer the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be John's..." John, "Mary, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) pigeon." Mary, "Oh, John. That's simple. It's a cuckoo." John: "Are you sure?" Mary, "I'm sure." Regis, " You heard Mary. Do you keep the $500,000 or play for the million?" John, "I want to play; I'll go with C) cuckoo." Regis, "Is that your final answer?" John, "Yes." Regis "Are you confident?" John "Yes; I think Mary's pretty smart." Regis, "You said C) cuckoo, and you're right! Congratulations, you have just won one million dollars!" To celebrate, John flies Mary to New York. That night they go out on the town. As they're celebrating, John looks at Mary and asks her, "Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?" "That's easy, everybody knows they live in clocks."
Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend
Advice from Carolyn Hax Advice columnist Carolyn Hax is famous for her ability to get to the root of people's problems -- not just what they say, but who they are and what they're thinking. The resulting advice is often ruthless, sometimes controversial, and always hilarious. See for yourself what great advice Hax has to offer. Subscribe to ArcaMax's Carolyn Hax ezine, and receive her witty, helpful advice free by e-mail! Subscribe to the Carolyn Hax ezine instantly. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors
To see more Jokes, visit the Jokes channel.
ArcaMax proudly distributes 75 popular newsletters, including Garfield, Recipes, Bible Verses, Gardening and Business Success. To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit: http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg ArcaMax publications are now available in an "advertising-free" format. Click here for details. We invite you to visit BookDaily: Book Samples for Book Lovers
Thank you for your subscription to Jokes from ArcaMax with the following email address: duncanjax@gmail.com Jokes from ArcaMax may be non-commercially distributed unedited! Please share it! Pass it along to friends, family and associates. SUBSCRIBING To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit: http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg UNSUBSCRIBING To discontinue this newsletter - Select this link Having Trouble? You may also try this link: http://www.arcamax.com/unsubscribe It is our policy and practice not to send unwanted email. ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. 729 Thimble Shoals Boulevard Suite B Newport News, VA 23606 Copyright 1996-2009 ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. All registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners.