Today's Jokes Plus Get Your Nintendo Wii - FREE! Including 5 Games!

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: Get Your Nintendo Wii - FREE! Including 5 Games! Get in on the latest game system craze by receiving your very own Nintendo Wii - Free! We'll even give you 5 games to get you started! Participation required. Click here for details...
Calls to Call Centers Samsung Electronics Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?". Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about". Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?". --- RAC Motoring Services Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?. Operator: Doesn't the product give you a clue? --- There was a caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: Woven?. Are you sure?. Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland". --- Caller: "I'd like the RSPCA please". Operator: "Where are you calling from?". Caller: "The living room". --- On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on". --- Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop". Customer: "OK". Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?". Customer: "No". Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?". Customer: "No". Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?". Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'". Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?". Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?". --- Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?". --- British Rail Customer: "How much does it cost to Bath on the train?" Operator: "If you can get your feet in the sink, then it's free." --- Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?" Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?". Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre". Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
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Long Shot... Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident golfer said to his caddy, "Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me." The caddy argued with him a bit and suggested that he instead play it safe and hit a 4-iron then a wedge. The golfer was insulted and proceeded to berate the caddy on the tee telling him that he was a better golfer than that and how dare he under estimate his game. So, giving in the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had asked for. He proceeded to top the ball and watched as it folled about fifteen yards off the front of the tee. Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, "And now for one hell of a putt..."
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Dog Wisdom... 1) The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. -Anonymous 2) Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. -Ann Landers 3) If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will Rogers 4) There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. -Ben Williams 5) A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. -Josh Billings 6) We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. -M. Acklam 7) Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. -Sigmund Freud 8) I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -Rita Rudner 9) A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. -Robert Benchley 10) Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard. -Dave Barry 11) Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. -Franklin P. Jones 12) If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. -Unknown 13) My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. -Joe Weinstein 14) Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! -Anne Tyler 15) Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein 16) Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -Groucho Marx 17) Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman. -Dave Miliman 18) If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -Mark Twain 19) Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. -Roger Caras 20) If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. -Phil Pastoret 21) My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am. -- an OleHoss
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Mistakes... "Don't make the same mistake twice seems to indicate three mistakes, doesn't it? First you make the mistake. Then you make the same mistake. Then you make the same mistake twice. If you simply say, 'Don't make the same mistake,' you'll avoid the first mistake, won't you?" ~ George Carlin
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Wine and Dine Daily Video Learn to make chocolate cupcakes with buttercream frosting, spring rolls, and even a classic mint julep. They're all easy with free videos from ArcaMax's new Wine and Dine Video Ezine! Every day, this ezine will help you get creative with everything from appetizers to after-dinner cocktails. It even includes video profiles of restaurants and cooks from around the country. Subscribe to the Wine and Dine Video Ezine instantly. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors
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