Today's Jokes Plus Get Your 4 Free Bags of Lifesavers Fusions

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: *** NEW LifeSavers Fusions Free* Sample *** Check it out here Get Your 4 Free Bags of Fusions Try the NEW fruit twist that will treat your tongue. Fusions combines your favorite fruit flavors into one hard candy. Taste the twist! - Individually wrapped mixed fruits - Cherry, Watermelon, Strawberry & Kiwi 395 pieces per bag, yours Free... Details for you - visit here
Slow, Really Slow... A young man was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job. After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at the local zoo. When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section. Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with the gate open. "Where are the tortoises?" he asked. "I can't believe it," said the new employee, "I just opened the door and whooooosh, they were gone!"
Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend
Sponsor Flush Out Excess Waste and Toxins From Your Body! Acai Pro Detox - Healthy Weight Loss! - Eliminate Harmful Waste, Toxins and Buildup! - Reduce Constipation, Gas, Bloating and Fatigue! - Boost Your Metabolism and Increase Your Energy Levels! Click Here for Your 14-day FREE Trial...
Defining Characteristics ...of Slow People 1. Slow people always walk side by side, even if they don't know each other. 2. They drive side by side, too. If they can't find another slow driver to pair up with, they drive in the fast lane. 3. Slow walkers never look back. When they drive, they never look in their rear view mirrors, either. 4. Slow people drift sideways so they'll block the path of anyone trying to pass them. If two people or vehicles are trying to get around them at the same time, they drift into the path of the one that is moving at the highest speed. 5. Follow behind a slow person in the grocery store and you'll wind up with soggy ice cream every time.
Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend
Sponsor Cheap is good... but FREE is better! Join FreeFly's and get FREE SAMPLES of NAME BRAND PRODUCTS like: CoffeeMate * GoLean Crunch Downy * Nicorette NicoDerm CQ * Noxzema Airborne * Lactaid Cascade * Oil of Olay and many more... Read complete details & get samples here!
Work Sayings... For those sarcastic moments... And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...? I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. Does your train of thought have a caboose? Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. A PBS mind in an MTV world. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1? I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. Too many freaks, not enough circuses. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done. I plead contemporary insanity. How do I set a laser printer to stun? Meandering to a different drummer.
Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend
Sponsor Congratulations! You have been chosen to receive a FREE Apple Laptop or Dell Laptop! Take advantage of this unique offer and indulge yourself with a FREE Apple Laptop or Dell Laptop! Claim yours now!
Lesson in Life Mr. Turtle was walking down the road when he spotted a eagle at the tip top of a very tall tree. He shouted, "Good Morning, Mr. Crow." Mr. Crow shouted back down, "Good Morning Mr. Turtle." Mr. Turtle shouted up, "Whatcha doin' today?" and the answer shouted back down was, "Absolutely nothin' Mr. Turtle - Absolutely nothin' and loving it." Well, that sounded pretty good to Mr. Turtle, so he shouted back up, "Do you think I could do that too?" Mr. Crow shouted back down, "I don't see why not!" So, Mr. Turtle lay down on the side of the road and began Doing Absolutely Nothing. In 30 minutes a fox came along and ate him. The moral of the story is: You can get away with Doing Absolutely Nothing, but only if you are really high up.
Comment on this Story | Printer Friendly | Send Story to a Friend
Wine and Dine Daily Video Learn to make chocolate cupcakes with buttercream frosting, spring rolls, and even a classic mint julep. They're all easy with free videos from ArcaMax's new Wine and Dine Video Ezine! Every day, this ezine will help you get creative with everything from appetizers to after-dinner cocktails. It even includes video profiles of restaurants and cooks from around the country. Subscribe to the Wine and Dine Video Ezine instantly. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors
To see more Jokes, visit the Jokes channel.
ArcaMax proudly distributes 75 popular newsletters, including Garfield, Recipes, Bible Verses, Gardening and Business Success. To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit: http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg ArcaMax publications are now available in an "advertising-free" format. Click here for details. We invite you to visit BookDaily: Book Samples for Book Lovers
Thank you for your subscription to Jokes from ArcaMax with the following email address: duncanjax@gmail.com Jokes from ArcaMax may be non-commercially distributed unedited! Please share it! Pass it along to friends, family and associates. SUBSCRIBING To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit: http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg UNSUBSCRIBING To discontinue this newsletter - Select this link Having Trouble? You may also try this link: http://www.arcamax.com/unsubscribe It is our policy and practice not to send unwanted email. ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. 729 Thimble Shoals Boulevard Suite B Newport News, VA 23606 Copyright 1996-2009 ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. All registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners.