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| What The Job Ad Says; What It Means, Part I Ground floor opportunity
-Lousy job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year
Progressive company
- Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday
Team player
-Must deal with dangerously territorial coworkers with rabid personalities
Upbeat personalities
-Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug alcohol rehab benefit within the first year
Word processing skills essential
-There is a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future
Public Relations Receptionist, Professional appearance important
-$20 K a year job that requires a $100K year wardrobe
Salary range $24K to $32K
-The salary is $24K
Will train
-Prior conviction of a felony or two, no problem
BA required, MA preferred
-Must be a MA willing to work for a BA salary
Civil service
-This job was filled from the inside six months ago |
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| What The Job Ad Says; What It Means, Part II Outstanding benefits package
-Health insurance
Tons of variety
-We took all of the heinous tasks no one else would do and rolled them into one job
Top notch communication skills
-Telemarketing
Beautiful offices in attractive locale
-Brand new tacky windowless office where picture frames match the carpet
Secretary
-Woman only job with the responsibilities of management and the wages of a migrant worker
Executive secretary
-The most powerful position in any company
Dedicated
-You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week until we force you into early retirement
Salary commensurate
-We'll pay you whatever the we feel like
Salary negotiable
-We'll take the lowest bidder
Competitive salary
-We'll pay you up to 10 percent more than your last job!
Competitive starting salary
-Ten cents above minimum wage
Pleasant atmosphere
-A staff of pod people
Professional atmosphere
-Zombie pod people
Self-starter
-Open to very broad interpretation, since no one really knows what this means
|
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| Reality T.V. I realized that my five-year-old grandson had been watching too many reality TV shows the day we attended a relative's wedding. As the four bridesmaids walked down the aisle toward the front of the church, he turned to me and asked, "Is this where the groom decides which one he wants to marry?" |
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| Lost Wife The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, "You know I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" asked the woman
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere." |
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| Wine and Dine Daily Video Learn to make chocolate cupcakes with buttercream frosting, spring rolls, and even a classic mint julep. They're all easy with free videos from ArcaMax's new Wine and Dine Video Ezine!
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-- From the ArcaMax editors |
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