Dog Talk with Uncle Matty: Some Promises Are Better Broken
By Matthew “Uncle Matty” Margolis The notion that a promise is a promise is born of the very worthy goals of building character and integrity in young people, infusing trust into personal and professional relationships, and generally encouraging people to hold up their end of a bargain. But as countless wedding vows and campaign rhetoric prove, a promise isn't always so simple and is sometimes better broken.
Most legal contracts have a clause built in to cover circumstances of force majeure -- "superior or overwhelming power." Legal meaning: an unanticipated and uncontrollable event that releases a person from a contractual obligation.
And while some will scream "but a promise is a promise" regardless, the vicissitudes of life make clear that at times the humane and compassionate thing to do is to release a person from their promise.
Or a dog, as the case may be.
Recently, a reader asked me to weigh in on a disagreement between she and her husband. Here's the issue:
"My husband and I have a 10-year-old Labrador-Rottweiler mix. We love her to bits, but will most likely need to put her to sleep due to an extremely fast-spreading mammary cancer.
"She's a bit shaky in the hind legs, it's impossible for her to walk up stairs anymore or jump into the car, and sometimes she yelps in pain if we rub her on her back.
"Because of her inherently gentle nature, she has been a volunteer dog, making regular visits to a senior care facility.
"In light of her pain, which still shows even with the painkillers we are giving her, I want to stop doing the visits and call it her official retirement. I understand that no matter how gentle a girl she is, if she is hurt, even inadvertently, she could potentially snap at the offending hand.
"My husband, on the other hand, believes otherwise. He feels that as long as she is able to stand, and since we are right there with her, we should make her go, as "we made a commitment to volunteer and said we would do a full year's term." We have three more months to go.
"Is my husband insane? Am I being selfish and overprotective of our dog? Is either of us right? Or is there no right or wrong here?"
Let's be clear: There is most definitely a right and wrong here.
Wrong: "Making her go" despite the fact that she is gravely ill and in pain. While it's nice that the wife is considerate of the possibility of injury to one of the seniors at the care facility, it'd be nicer still if she would insist on equal consideration of the dog's care and comfort in her final weeks.
The husband's argument is akin to forcing a terminally ill patient with a chronic pain disease to complete a 10K simply because they had signed up. "Insane" isn't quite the word. "Unconscionable" works, though. Or even "inhumane" or "ridiculously out of touch with the real issue."
The right thing to do would be to give this wonderful dog the respect she has earned and allow her a comfortable and peaceful retirement -- both from the job and from the world. Any one of us would want the same for ourselves. And I'd bet every one of those seniors she's brought so much joy to would insist on it.
Woof!
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Dog trainer Matthew "Uncle Matty" Margolis is co-author of 18 books about dogs, a behaviorist, a popular radio and television guest, and host of the PBS series "WOOF! It's a Dog's Life!" Read all of Uncle Matty's columns at the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com, and visit him at www.unclematty.com. Send your questions to dearuncle.gazette@unclematty.com or by mail to Uncle Matty at P.O. Box 3300, Diamond Springs, CA 95619.
Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.
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