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| Nothing Works I was enjoying the second week of a two-week vacation the same way I had enjoyed the first week: by doing as little as possible.
I ignored my wife's not-so-subtle hints about completing certain jobs around the house, but I didn't realize how much this bothered her until the clothes dryer refused to work, the iron shorted and the sewing machine motor burned out in the middle of a seam. The final straw came when she plugged in the vacuum cleaner and nothing happened.
She looked so stricken that I had to offer some consolation.
"That's okay, honey," I said. "You still have me."
She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Yes," she wailed, "but you don't work either!" |
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| Majorly Busted Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time. He gets up early and eager, golfs all day long, sometimes 36 holes.
Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet and goes to his car to drive to the course.
Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; torrential downpour.
There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph.
He returns to the garage. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.
There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing in that mess?" |
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| Marriage Quotes By Men - I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
- It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
- Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
- A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out..'
- Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
- A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!' Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'
- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful!
- I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
- If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
- A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. |
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| Great Truths That Children Have Learned 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap. |
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| Choose from 60,000 Books -- Get Your Free Samples at BookDaily.com ArcaMax Publishing has launched the new BookDaily.com!
Browse, search and read sample first chapters from your favorite authors -- and sign up for free email newsletters with the book samples you want to read later.
You'll find books from Mark R. Levin, Steve Turner, Dean Koontz, and many more.
Once you have given the site a look, we welcome any feedback or suggestions.
Visit BookDaily.com now.
-- From the ArcaMax editors |
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