Today's Jokes Plus Free Makeup Samples

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Rabbit Test The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
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Poor Parrot A lady who was very lonesome bought a parrot from a pet store, complete with cage. Before purchasing it she got a guarantee that the parrot would talk.She took the parrot home. In a week and a half she returned to the store very disappointed. "The parrot doesn't talk." "Did you buy a mirror?" "No." "Every parrot needs a mirror. " So she bought a mirror and installed it in the parrot's cage. Another week and a half went by and she returned. "The parrot still doesn't talk." "Did you buy a ladder?" "No." "Every parrot needs a ladder." So she bought a ladder and installed it in the cage. Another week and a half passed and she returned."The parrot still doesn't talk." "Did you buy a swing?" "No." "Every parrot needs a swing." So she bought a swing and installed it in the cage. A week and a half later she returned. She was furious! The store owner asked, "Did the parrot talk?" "No!, he died." "Oh, that's terrible. Did he say anything before he died?" "Yes." "What?" "He gasped 'Don't they have any food down at that store?'"
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The Man And The Dog There is an old story about the data center of the future. This data center runs 24/7 with only a man and a dog. The man's job is to feed the dog. The dog's job is to make sure the man does not touch the computer.
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Blonde Sheep Winner There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road. She asked the shepherd, "If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" He replied "Sure!" Out of the blue, she blurts out, "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She looks and searches and finally picks out the cutest one. He looks at her and says, "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back!"
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