Today's Jokes Plus Financial Security - Make Your Own

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: Make Your Own Security In The Current Down Turn... People everywhere are losing brand new homes and new jobs at companies that swore they would never go out of business. The mistakes of big business are creating ghost towns, but I promise if you give me just a few moments you'll never be a victim. The world is full of "might have been's" who missed that "one big deal". Here's a hint, this is a big deal that can make a very noticeable difference in your bank account, and you won't ever have to sell a thing. Don't take my word for it, click here and find out for yourself!
Drinking, Gambling, and Golf A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?" "No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said. "Will you use it to gamble?" "I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive." "Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?" "Are you NUTS! I haven't played golf in 20 years!" The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad." The man replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up drinking, gambling, and golf."
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Top ten tips to know if you have PMS 10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet 8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-XXX-XXXX." 5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male. 3. You're counting down the days until menopause. 2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy. 1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
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Criminal Mastermind An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
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Biting Nails Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea. "I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous." "My Billy used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit." "How?" "I hid his teeth."
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Free Daily Horoscopes by E-Mail Get daily predictions for your star sign with a free subscription to ArcaMax Horoscopes. Every morning, you'll receive your horoscope for the day, as well as the positions of the planets and luminaries. The Horoscopes channel also features profiles for the different star signs, and quizzes to see how much you know about the Western and Eastern zodiacs! Subscribe to ArcaMax Horoscopes instantly. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors
To see more Jokes, visit the Jokes channel.
ArcaMax proudly distributes 75 popular newsletters, including Garfield, Recipes, Bible Verses, Gardening and Business Success. To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit: http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg ArcaMax publications are now available in an "advertising-free" format. Click here for details. We invite you to visit BookDaily: Book Samples for Book Lovers
Thank you for your subscription to Jokes from ArcaMax with the following email address: duncanjax@gmail.com Jokes from ArcaMax may be non-commercially distributed unedited! Please share it! Pass it along to friends, family and associates. SUBSCRIBING To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit: http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg UNSUBSCRIBING To discontinue this newsletter - Select this link Having Trouble? You may also try this link: http://www.arcamax.com/unsubscribe It is our policy and practice not to send unwanted email. ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. 729 Thimble Shoals Boulevard Suite B Newport News, VA 23606 Copyright 1996-2009 ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. All registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners.

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Manage Your Subscriptions You are currently subscribed as duncanjax@gmail.com. To unsubscribe from this newsletter, please notify us here or visit https://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/custacct. ArcaMax Publishing, Inc., 729 Thimble Shoals Blvd., Suite 1-B, Newport News, VA 23606 | FAX (757) 596-9731 Copyright © 2008 ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Advertise With Us | Contact the Editor | FAQ/Help ArcaMax Publishing websites: www.arcamax.com (Family-Friendly News & Fun) www.bookdaily.com (Book Samples for Book Lovers) www.arcamundo.com (en español)

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Mom of 2 drops 5 dress sizes!

Jonni I. had always had trouble staying in shape. You see, she had two children and a busy lifestyle. But after years of putting others first, she decided to start taking care of herself for a change! She worked to find an activity plan she could manage with her busy schedule and knew she had to change her eating habits. But she still needed a boost, so she tried the new SlimSeduction. Here’s what she’s saying now: “My husband says I walk with more confidence. And I am sure I do. I don't have to fidget with my clothes when I walk, or when I get up and down from sitting etc. And I know I look good in these jeans. They fit and they are cute. I am truly a transformed person. Inside and out. I walk with my shoulders back and my head held high, things I haven't done since high school. I have finally ‘come into’ myself. I feel and act younger than I did 10 years ago. And, I smile more. Smiling feels so good.” Would you like to see the pictures of Jonni’s awesome transformation? Hint: she can wear her teenage daughter’s clothes now! Nutra Lane is giving out 5000 trials of SlimSeduction today and you can get involved. Just visit the link below to see Jonni’s real, unedited pictures and learn more about SlimSeduction: Click Here to view Before & After Photos To unsubscribe from this entire list, please scroll to the bottom. If you want to unsubscribe only from this particular notice from GNS, visit the link immediately below http://GNS.gnsunsc.com/24d2fa97d38ac350291deb884a76b3a2 GNS Inc. 12650 W. 64th Avenue #157 Arvada, CO 80004

Manage Your Subscriptions You are currently subscribed as duncanjax@gmail.com. To unsubscribe from this newsletter, please notify us here or visit https://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/custacct. ArcaMax Publishing, Inc., 729 Thimble Shoals Blvd., Suite 1-B, Newport News, VA 23606 | FAX (757) 596-9731 Copyright © 2008 ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Advertise With Us | Contact the Editor | FAQ/Help ArcaMax Publishing websites: www.arcamax.com (Family-Friendly News & Fun) www.bookdaily.com (Book Samples for Book Lovers) www.arcamundo.com (en español)

Today's Jokes Plus Flush Fat Out of Your System!

- Here is your ArcaMax Jokes Ezine, sponsored today by: New Super Pill Flushes Body Fat Right Out of Your System! Super Food No. 12 contains Acai Berry, Mangosteen, Green Tea and 9 More Super Foods that can help you shed pounds, detoxify your body, increase energy, slow down aging and MORE! This is the most power-packed weight loss formula ever! For a limited time, you can receive a FREE Trial Bottle but you must act now. This offer won't last long. Click here for details...
Remembering the Anniversary A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when you father caught us kissing in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years!" "I remember that too", she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today!"
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Looking Good While her husband was lying down, his wife removed his glasses. "You know, honey," she said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"
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Present Kid 1: "I got my sister a VCP for her birthday." Kid 2: "Don't you mean a VCR?" Kid 1: "No, a VCP ... Very Cheap Present!"
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Get the Latest News Every Day Stay up-to-date on the latest world news as it happens with a free subscription to News Headlines. This free ezine is delivered twice every weekday and once a day on the weekends, with all the current news on national and world events. Subscribe to ArcaMax News Headlines instantly. Find out more before subscribing. -- From the ArcaMax editors
To see more Jokes, visit the Jokes channel.
ArcaMax proudly distributes 75 popular newsletters, including Garfield, Recipes, Bible Verses, Gardening and Business Success. To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit: http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg ArcaMax publications are now available in an "advertising-free" format. Click here for details. We invite you to visit BookDaily: Book Samples for Book Lovers
Thank you for your subscription to Jokes from ArcaMax with the following email address: duncanjax@gmail.com Jokes from ArcaMax may be non-commercially distributed unedited! Please share it! Pass it along to friends, family and associates. SUBSCRIBING To Subscribe to any of our Newsletters visit: http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/reg UNSUBSCRIBING To discontinue this newsletter - Select this link Having Trouble? You may also try this link: http://www.arcamax.com/unsubscribe It is our policy and practice not to send unwanted email. ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. 729 Thimble Shoals Boulevard Suite B Newport News, VA 23606 Copyright 1996-2009 ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. All registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners.

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Manage Your Subscriptions You are currently subscribed as duncanjax@gmail.com. To unsubscribe from this newsletter, please notify us here or visit https://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/custacct. ArcaMax Publishing, Inc., 729 Thimble Shoals Blvd., Suite 1-B, Newport News, VA 23606 | FAX (757) 596-9731 Copyright © 2008 ArcaMax Publishing, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Advertise With Us | Contact the Editor | FAQ/Help ArcaMax Publishing websites: www.arcamax.com (Family-Friendly News & Fun) www.bookdaily.com (Book Samples for Book Lovers) www.arcamundo.com (en español)

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